Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Doing the "Next Right Thing" Boogie

O.k. God what have you done with my selfishness. You know I always use to think about self before I said sure or no problem or before I just did something without thinking because it was the right and compassionate thing to do at the time. I always had ulterior motives, even if I was acting out of kindness.

At the 5:15pm meeting we had one of those guys who has been trying to stay sober for around 10 years show up drunk again. He has never wandered too far from meetings, disappear for a few months then back, stay sober for a while, maybe even a year, then start again. He has worn out his welcome at the common treatment centers, and also in using the local hospital for detoxing. Four of us stayed around last night to talk with him. He said he was beat down this time for good and wanted to get sober, he was asking and crying for help, we started crossing off the places he couldn’t go and came up with a place in Omaha that is down and dirty, umm humbling , part of the program is feeding and taking care of the skid row drunks and junkies. Two of the guys live next to each other and one has a fishing pond so they bought the guy a bottle of Windsor took him home to fish, spend the night and then take him to Omaha. I talked to one of the guys this morning and our drunken friend is still willing to go to Omaha and detox and is on his way there. I hope he makes it this time, all we can do is help him get there the rest is up to his actions and God. Last night I didn’t have to think too hard about helping take his man to Omaha, at that time we thought we could get him into detox right then, found out it would have to wait until morning; Omaha is a 3-1/2 drive plus time spent checking him in and stuff. It crossed my mind about how late of a night it would be and that I would probably just call work and tell them I would be in late and why, it was a quick thought process no debating.

I have been really amazed and teary eyed at how my thinking has changed; the tears are tears of joy and humility to my Higher Power. Text message “we are taking a meeting to Mike at his apartment, are you in” reply “sure”, Mike has throat cancer and just finished chemo, he is weak and pretty frail, he rarely makes meetings, we took a meeting to him a couple of weeks ago, an NA meeting which is odd for me since I don’t go to NA but the guy who organized the home meeting knew I could be counted on to be there regardless of my preferred fellowship. Via this meeting we started the ball rolling to do a fund raiser for Mike, hamburger/bratwurst feed and silent auction with hopes of raising some money for him to help him out with his medical and living expenses. Phone call “hey man can you give me a ride to -------“ reply “sure no problem”, phone call “hey man, I am short on support, can you help out at the jail meeting” reply “ sure, no problem”, phone call early in the morning “hey man, sorry it is late but I really need to talk to someone” reply “no problem, what’s up”. These are just a few basic examples. This has absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with “made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him”.

People talk about just doing the “next right thing” for the most part I am iffy with this statement, reeks of impulsive thinking to me and impulsive thinking and action has gotten me in more trouble than anything else. But if we place our lives on a spiritual plain, then the next right thing comes from following the spiritual path, from the Higher Power. I thought about the “next right thing” this morning. As a Buddhist I follow the Eightfold path; Right View, Right Intension, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration. Part of my morning mediation is the willingness to follow the Eightfold path to the best of my ability, it also consist of asking that the bondage of self be removed and that I may practice loving kindness and compassion throughout the day. When I think about the miracle of getting out of self what I need to understand is that the prayer and mediation are really working. That through spiritual practice we really can be less selfish and self centered, a power greater than ourselves will enter our lives and minds and refocus our thinking and energy. I do the “next Right thing” as I understand it from my own spiritual perspective.

Do I do this all the time, Hell no. I still do things for me and life is still about me, but bit by bit the mortar of the old drunken con artist is being chipped away. I actually thought about not going to the 5:15pm meeting last night because after I pulled up there I saw the vehicles of a couple of people who’s perspectives on recovery go against mine to a certain degree, but I remembered it isn’t about me, it is about the still suffering alcoholic, that alcoholic in part was me last night and it was my friend who showed up drunk and wanted help. Money or lack of creates the most selfishness within me, being willing to pay my debts first and using what is left over for my needs and wants is still one of the harder things to for me to work on. I also have cravings for female companionship, an addiction to nicotine and coffee, crave a new job/career, want of financial security not riches but being able to make ends meet plus have some left over for stuff, all these still create suffering and suffering comes from being selfish and self centered.

Also this isn’t just about people in recovery. Getting out of self really took center stage when my dad’s mental and physical health was starting to fail. My mom was having a tough time in caring for and dealing with him, she was confused about certain business matters. I was called on to help and would also stop over and check on them regularly. Believe me there were days when I didn’t want to deal with them, when I had my own “stuff” going on but in the end I did because I know it was the “Right” thing to do. This also applied to my daughter being in a group home and pregnant, sometimes she wanted junior to come with me on my visits, plus other little things I wasn’t comfortable doing, but I did them and I would take junior with me even if there was very little conversation on the drive down. My compassion for my parents and my daughter became greater than my own selfish wants.

I guess if we are mindful or if you like God conscience we can see and know where we are needed and when to get out of self for the benefit of others, we understand what the “next right thing is”. Thich Nhat Hanh is one of my favorite teacher’s, he talks a lot about how happiness and peace come from loving kindness and acting with compassion. We/I use to think happiness would come with enough money, the right woman in my life, lots of music, lots of books, comfortable car, good camping gear and power tools and a job I loved. No happiness comes from living a life of loving kindness and compassion towards others or a life dedicated to that practice, even if there are failures at least we are trying to live this life to the best of our ability. Only when we give up the spiritual life do we fail. When we get rid of self or at least minimize it then we have no “self” to worry about, our concerns aren’t creating fear, anger and other things that lead to suffering. Damn that sounds sooooo easy but I know and you probably do to that it is an ideal worth working on and that there will probably be some pain and discipline associated with the work and man some days I really hate them both.

That is what is on my mind today.

Peace, Love and Light
Scott

2 comments:

Shadow said...

one has to have a certain amount of selfishness. so as not to neglect oneself, or become co-dependant. also to develop and grow and climb the rungs of life. after all, if you don't have a desire for the good things, what is there to aspire to.

and when it comes to helping people, the way you have, that is the balance. as long as that help enables THEM to help themselves.

great post!

simon jacobs said...

yes the bottom line is ," not about
me but the suffering addict".

yes.

But personally I have only so much
to give at this point, we all have
our limits as to how we can do the
12th step.. I have plenty of time
to help out a person who is struggling but I don't really have
the "rep" in local AA to have
people refer the newcomers to me.

The competition is fierce for sponsee's , as there are thankfully alot of "old timers"
in the Philly 12 step circuit but
not enough newcomers who want
to stay and do the work.

I get "12 stepped" all the time
buy guys who don't know me and
I have to let them know politely
that I have had a sponsor, and
though I don't work with that sponsor anymore I still do the
"work"....and maybe I should be
sponsoring them if they are
so needful of sponsoring another
person.

If they need a sponsee that badly
than in my view thye are in trouble.

Your neck of the woods has really
got some activity going on...You
inspire me to get more active in
service...but as I said...the newcomers are scarce.

It will happen for me.

Pete.