Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Move

I had my Internet connected yesterday, only one problem, I made the call to the provider from my other house and didn't realize that the one room that does not have a phone jack is the room I am using for a library, so instead of typing in comfort at my desk, I am doing it in the living room, the lap top is on a TV tray and the keyboard is on a lap tray, I can't type very well on the lap top's keyboard so I have my wireless keyboard and mouse, the laptop mouse is a test of patience from God that I avoid unless necessary, the jack gets install Friday.

The last packing up was a bit insane, my part was alright, it was the drama with Mich and her boyfriend that was a freaking mess!! Mich ended up having to move in with a friend and her mom, while there she will try and figure out a place to live and also get a job, I rented her a storage unit for her stuff, her boyfriend and a kid who was crashing at my place (homeless friend of Mich's that I have known for years) moved the big stuff to the unit Thursday night with a bit of help from me. My intensions where to be on the road to Lincoln by 3:00pm Friday afternoon, I am so glad I stopped putting a lot of faith in expectations because that fell through and I didn't turn into a major asshole just a minor one. Mich didn't get over to the house until almost noon, oh yeah the woman who bought the house was going to be there at 2:00, the homeless kid did help clean a lot and I paid him, Mich's boy friend was being a real dickhead and for some reason wouldn't answer the phone and never did show up to help, Mich had a bit of odds and end to do which meant using my car for moving I and I needed my car to haul stuff in also. It ended up being 4:00 by the time things were loaded up. I still have stuff in the shed that needs to come down and some that will go to N's garage for a bit.

Mich is going to have a bit of a struggle, I think her dream of happy couple is fading and now she realizes she needs to figure things out on her own. She called yesterday complaining about some stuff and I told her she needs to go to DHHS and talk to her caseworker, she whined that she didn't know her caseworkers name and I told her in not so nice of a way that she needed to go to the office and find out his name and get some answers to questions I didn't know and to clarify things. She has to do things on her own and she has to ask for help and use the agencies available for that help, I don't know if she is too prideful to ask for help or thinks that because she has been shot down a couple of times she will continue to be shot down, what ever the reason she has to start finding out. There is an agency that provides housing for single mothers, she has to get on their list. She has to start motivating herself to finding out the answers on her own and stop relying on dad and others. My move is tough on her but it is what she needs, she needs the bumps and bruises that will make her more responsible, some are worried about Angel but I think Angel will be alright, Mich loves and cares for her daughter but still has that 18 year old mind that makes her do stupid shit. If for some reason she is unable to take good care of Angel I will step in and have Angel put in my care temporarily, I hope and pray it doesn't come down to this, not that I can't take care of Angel but that I want Mich to get it together without having this happen.

N, her oldest daughter and 9 year old son (youngest) helped me move unload the rest of my stuff Friday night and stayed over, N slept on the couch. Saturday we went to the natural history museum which is part of the University of Nebraska, they had never been there before and really enjoyed it. After that we went to a speciality shop, the shop sells hippie style women's clothes, jewelry, t-shirts, decorating stuff and the like, N and her daughter fell in love with the clothes, I told her I would buy her 1 piece of clothing or jewelry, well she wanted a top really bad but was having a hard time finding one that would fit because she is big chested and tall, finally she asked for help and the women found her some tops to try on, of which one she bought, we where in the store for probably an hour. I didn't mind the waiting because it is all part of loving N and letting her see that. Next it was on to the organic store my friend works at, again long time spent there because N got on their information computer and was looking up different nature foods, supplements and things that provide natural remedies to health issues. The store is a cooperative, so I will buy into it so we can save some money in the future, really not that expensive, $100.00 for 4 years and with 5 to 10 percent discounts we will get our moneys worth over time, especially on health and beauty products. N also lived in Lincoln until her 9Th grade year so we went and visited her old haunts, showed the kids some places. She has plans to come down every couple of weeks, I will give her gas money, there is much more to do in Lincoln than in Kearney for us, stuff that is family orientated and doesn't cost much, I told her next time we will have to eat at my house more and she is good with that. Nothing was really said about our future or taking things to the next level, but a lot was said about spending time together in the future. This relationship is very much old fashion courting, both of us have jumped into relationships too fast just to have them fail, I feel that N is just taking her time, to make sure this will last, her kids love and respect me and I feel the same with them, I am solid male figure in her daughters life, one that she is comfortable talking with and spending time with, the boys are getting closer to me also. When I dropped N off in Kearney, she told me she had a great couple of days, lots of tight hugs, I think the time was a reassurance that we could spend a long period of time together with the kids and be relaxed and have a good time just being us. I go back to this is all about growing together and see if we can be a couple in a healthy way. I am going to Kearney tomorrow, get stuff from the shed, spend time with my mom, Mich and Angel, then I will cook supper for N and the kids, then to my home group for birthday night to help N celebrate 3 years and a sponsee 9 months, I am going to stay the night at N's house and come back Thursday, after that we start the longer runs between see each other.

Lincoln recovery is good!! I went to the Sunday NA meeting I liked and it was good once again. Last night I went to a men's stag meeting that a guy I met told me about, ran into a couple of guys I know from state service work. The meeting was really good and positive, no women bashing, cursing was discouraged, all in all a great meeting. My sponsor is against segregated meetings because the Big Book states "We are men and women" very much a purest view but that is his opinion not sure I accept it 100% since I heard some really awesome in the solution recovery last night, for now if I am able I will continue to go to this meeting, I connected with a couple of older guys with time in recovery and I need that. Tonight I am going to a young peoples meeting, it is a big meeting with breakout groups. The guys at the men's meetings gave me some meeting suggestions for other nights of the week also. I have also been to the coffee shop a few times and talked with some acquaintance's just to get to know them better.

Life is good my Peeps, yeah Steve I lifted your word. getting settled in, the shed is on hold until the weekend when I can get some help, I know I can't do it on my own because the walls and roof. I have to chill on the spending, other than hitting thift shops for an end table and lamp I think I am pretty much done with needs and wants for now, I will get a couple of hanging things from the shop N likes in a couple of weeks but they are wants not needs.

Peace Love Light

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Man the anxiety is really starting to set in and from all differant directions. My daugher and her boyfriend have yet to find a place to live and they need to be out of the house by Friday, big problem is he doesn't have a solid job so no one will rent to them, he also procrastinated on applying for government assistances and they are on the waiting list which could take a while. I talked to Mich last night and she said Angel and her can live with a friend for a while, it does suck that no one will rent to an 18 year old, she does have the phone number to an agency that assist single mothers with housing, the main thing is boyfriend can't live there, so maybe today she will hear something from them. I have offered as much help as I can, so once again it is trust God time. I will buy her a $50.00 gas card which is good for gas only plus 4 big boxes of diapers, she needs to contact DHHS as soon as she gets an address so she can start getting food assistance. Part of me feels like I am being shitty but I have given her and her boyfriend 6 weeks notice so I am not kicking her to the curb.
The stuff I need to get done seems overwhelming, but really it isn't that much just time consuming, like loading things up taking them to Lincoln, unloading and back again. The woman who bought my house said I don't need to clean the shed out right now so that can wait until next Wednesday. Next week I need to buy and put together a metal shed for my tools, mower and such, so that helps out. My psycho head wants everything done NOW, but it all takes time. This is true too when it comes to the few items I need to buy, couch, tv and tv stand, ( I am leaving this stuff for Mich) I can survive without these things for a while and so can anyone who comes to visit me, which includes N and the kids, I need to watch my spending.

N and I are growing stronger and closer. It is still just hugging but we are a couple. She tells me thanks for the hugs and there is an underlying thanks for being gentle and patient. We haven't talked about our feelings yet but there is plenty of time for that. I am helping her garden tonight so maybe while we are working I will bring up the topic. She is coming to Lincoln Friday night, she is bring my car down for me. N and the kids are then going to spend the night and Saturday we will mess around Lincoln, go to a couple of cool shops, the natural history museum, maybe a botanical garden, N lived in Lincoln as a teenager so she wants to re-visit some old haunts. Sunday N, her daughter and I went to a really good NA in Lincoln that a couple of my friends go to, N had a chance to meet my friends plus met a couple of other woman she liked, this helps for when she comes to Lincoln to visit. I was glad I went to the NA meeting as well, for the most part I am not one for going to NA, part of it is my drug of choice is alcohol and part I have been to some really bad NA meetings so have a prejudice towards them, but this one was differant and I will make it a regular, plus I met a couple of really good people there and I will be in contact with them. Bless N's heart she told me after the meeting, "Make Sure you Get some phone numbers of the guys you like!!!" I told her not to worry, that I wouldn't make the same mistake I made the last time I move in recovery, which was stop going to meetings and drink again.
Well thats a take for now.

Friday, July 17, 2009

New Job

What a busy day!! We held a hambuger feed, bake sale, silent auction benefit for a fellow member who just finished chemo for thoat cancer, we were able to raise $3400.00 to help with medical and living expense, the fellowships really came alive to help him both with money and also helping during the benefit. Never doubt the love that recovering alcoholics and addicts have for one another!!

I got the job at the treatment center closer to where I am moving, it also pays better than the one where I would have to drive 45 minutes, in fact it is only 10 to 15 minutes away depending on traffic. I start my training on August 3rd, I think I will start out on day shift learning all aspects of the job and then be moved to nights since I am low person on the totem pole, this is cool since I was well aware that stepping into this type of job would probably take away my weekends, holidays and that I would be working overnights for a while. I am excited to start this new journey. I have spent my adult life working in mechanical related jobs, whether it was working on fighter jets, manufacturing steel beams or purchasing products for amnufactured products and associating closely with assemblers and engineers. The medical aspects of the job are a bit intimidating but I know I am smart enough to understand them, I just have to be patient with myself, I was taught first aid in the Air Force but never had to apply it much but with the new job I may have to use the techniques I was taught on occasion.

I moved some stuff into my new place on Thursday. God has a great sense of humor you know, it has been hot, dry and still for the last few weeks but late Wednesday night a storm brewed up and I got poured on for most of the drive to Lincoln. Thankfull most of my stuff was protected, the boxes were sealed and other stuff was placed inside of 2 bookcase with the shelves removed. I did some small stuff to the house and my friend in Lincoln helped me put some things away and then we caught a meeting. Sunday N and her kids are helping my move some more stuff. I will also take a load or two done during the week and finish on Friday. I am going to see if N will follow me once more, since I need to get my pickup there, having 2 vehicles and 1 drivers is a bit of pain for long distance moving, I will also see if she wants to spend the night and then on Saturday we can take the kids around differant things in Lincoln and then take them back here. N and I are still spending a lot of time together, just enjoying each others presents plus the kids like having me around, her oldest daughter and I have grown very close. God will take care of the relationship just like the job and that is it will be the way it is suppose to be.

Peace Love and Light

Monday, July 13, 2009

God lloks after Drunks and Fools

I went to Lincoln today for a 2 job interviews and apartment hunting. The first interview was with a treatment center located in the heart of Lincoln. I did really well with answering the questions concerning conflict resolution between patients, one about a patient who depends on me and know one else for support; conflict resolution is about calming the patient down, getting the bigger picture and explaining to them the differant ways to look at things and being empathetic, if it comes to a patient using me for their only support my response just as in recovery we need a broad network of support and I would suggest other techs for the patient to use. I was asked about my understanding of addiction/alcoholism, my answer comes straight from The Dr. Opinion, I explained that the allergy copled with phenomen of cravings is the easiest way for me to understand it based on my own life as a drunk. There where a few other scenarios I gave my thoughts on. I was asked what I knew about mental health issues, I said not a lot but I do have friends who are bi-polar or suffer from depression and that AA and NA are not the be all and end all, that people need medication to function and that they need to be under doctors care. I don't see things in black and white, so when is questions is posed I reply back for clarification if there is not information. Overall the interview went really well. I used my military experiences and my recovery experiences in serivice work where applicable. I will know by Thursday if I got this job, the only negative is that I have never worked in a treatment fiscility before.
The second interview was similar but with less questions. The administrator had already decided to hire me. The only problem is I would be driving 45 minutes to work and the pay isn't that great. Granted I am taking a big pay cut in changing careers but I also don't want to be too scraped for money if I am spending a lot on gas. I told her I was waiting to hear back from the other treatment center before I make my decision. So God did provide me with a job if the one closeer doesn't hire me. I will take the less paying job in hopes of good raise after my probation period and since it is just the dog and me we can live pretty cheap. My foot would be in the door and that is what would count.
I had pretty much resign to the fact that I would be living in an apartment for a year because the rent is cheap than a house, I would have to rent a storage unit for some of my tools, camping gears and other keep sake stuff but that would still be cheaper than a house. Last night I was on Craigslist getting info on listed apartments, they needed to be pet friendly, my Maltese Poodle is coming with me, she is my baby and was a huge part of my early recovery. I found one duplex for rent in my price range also. I checked out one apartment and it was alright, nice location, parking, bit of storage, nice balcony but the one thing I don't like about apartments is you have to use onsight laundry, which meant going down to the basement where there was only one coin op washer and dryer, it has been a long time since I have had to use a laundrymat and wasn't looking forward to doing it again, but once again it was something I was going to have to accept. Later in the afternoon I looked at the duplex and for a bit more money I get a big yard, nice driveway, a washer and dryer, bigger kitchen, plus I can put a shed on the property as long as it isn't a permanent structure. I went ahead a put a deposit on the duplex of course, it is also in a good location and good neighborhood, also I am going to try and swing a deal to take care of the yard work, since I will bring my mower and gardening tools with me.
So God provide for me today. I thanked those who said a prayer in my behalf and thanked God for providing for this recoverying drunken fool!!!

Peace Love and Light

Friday, July 10, 2009

Quick Run Down

Just a run down of what I have been doing since my last post. Most of the time I write at work during the dead of the afternoon, since Tuesday I have been training my replacement and also my departure has cause the company to do some reevaluation with the software, this a mile long post in and of its self. Basically I have been able to operate with a crippled system because of the knowledge in my head but now that I am leaving they decided it is time to invest the money to heal the software so to create less work and hassles for my replacement. Also my boss who I have worked with for 10 years has decided to take early retirement, so working on the software will assist his replacement also. As much as I have complained about my boss and his vulgarity, profanity and negativity we really are a Yin and Yang and my leaving effected him deeper than I would ever have dream it would.

It has been pretty a week of spending evenings with N and her kids. Monday was Indian food and a movie. Tuesday N was suppose to get her daughter that doesn't live with her, see lives an hour away, but her 14 year old son who got in big trouble last week decided to take off, so I was over at her house supporting her while she waited for the police, before they got there she found out where he was and met the cop up there, I stayed with the other 2 while N was dealing with difficult son, her trip was canceled because it got to be a very late night. Wednesday I said a formal goodbye to my home group because I am not sure what the next Wednesday's will bring, also on Wednesday I started going over to N's first thing in the morning, since the 14 year now has to spend his day with a recovery friend, he has a babysitter, because he can't be trusted to be on his own, normally all she has to do is get herself and the 9 year old ready, but my coming over has helped get everybody, N included up and ready in a timely manner, I have done this for the last few days and will do it a few times next week as well plus have the 14 year old spend time with me in the afternoons or help move stuff to Lincoln. Thursday night I had N's two daughters and the 9 year old at my house while N and the 14 went to her Thursday meeting, we watched movies and burned classic music. Tonight I took a carload to a meeting up north, good road trip and good meeting and no N wasn't part of the crew, I called her to see how she was doing when I got back to town but left it at that, she was fried.

I know I have been talking about N a lot. Thing is this is new and wonderful for me. It is also damn HARD! We give each other tight hugs with gentle back touching when we see each other and also on breaks at work, she lays her head on my shoulder for brief moments also but nothing else, no kissing or holding hands. I know she wants to spend time with me because we make plans to do things together, tomorrow is a picnic and swimming at the park,then to a bonfire hosted by one of her friends, someone I am not close to and Sunday is miniature golfing, family things. I have really had to ask the Higher Power for strength to stay on this slow and gentle pace, today I really wanted to talk to her about our relationship and where it is going or can go but no it wasn't the time. She has so much on her plate right now with the kids and my moving away she really doesn't need to think about our relationship too much, it would be selfish of me to put more on her plate just so I can satisfy my own emotional needs. This I know and had to accept, she is spending a lot of time with me, when I said she would be seeing my bright smiling face in the morning for a bit more she smiled at me and said good. So I don't have a label to put on this relationship like "dating", "girl friend" or "in a commited relationship with" but in an unspoken way this is all happening it just makes it easier for her this way, she isn't spending her time with other guys, I am there for her and not pushing. This is a good lesson for both of us in taking things slow, not getting co-dependent, not jumping into bed or putting any conditions on things, I have told her over and over there are no strings attached and I mean it. For the first time in my life I think I am really in love with a woman and it is painful. The pain is in being patient for her sake, giving unconditionally, knowing that each day is a step forward in trusting me and me in turn trusting her, that in the end it may all be just a strong and beautiful friendship. I talked to a dear friend of mine in the program tonight about the whole situation, she told be just continue to be gentle and patient, trust God and if it is meant to be it will be, also that when the time is right in the next few weeks the opurtunity will come when we can both sit down and talk about our feelings. I know all this in my head but needed to be reasured from someone who has walked down the path before me.
I want to thank you all for being patient in my writing my feelings out, it helps me out, besides Sarah needs a break from the stuff going in her life, so she can smile at the craziness I am going through.

Peace Love and Light

Monday, July 6, 2009

Joy and Tears

Wow what a weekend!! I was apprehensive about going to the campout I went to this weekend because of the people who were hosting it, the guy tends to get a bit preachy, talks about the Bible and Jesus in meetings quite a bit, but God took control and I went. N’s fourteen year old son, disappeared Wednesday night, he was out with friends and didn’t come home and she couldn’t find him, she finally called him in to the police and found out the kid he was hanging with has a bad history, vandalism and theft, she came to work Thursday just to keep herself busy, talk about powerless in watching someone you love be in heavy pain and there is nothing you can do but just be there for them with spiritual and emotional support, anywho they found him at noon Thursday, when I talked to her Thursday night she said she really wanted to get away, kids went with us, and relax plus needed the support of the fellowship, so apprehensive or not I said yes, no second thoughts, it ain’t about me. The about ½ of the Happy Campers went up as well.

The campout was an annual event for a group of people in recovery who call themselves the “Nomads” they have been around 26 years, they started out as young people in recovery and at one time they were a registered group. The Nomads hung out together, they would road trip to meetings, have cookouts and campouts, plus attend AA events through out the states. The Nomads were very excited to see this new group of young people in recovery called the Happy Campers show up to their event; they shared much love and support for what we were doing. I had been to a couple of the Nomad meetings over the last 3 years but never spent a weekend with them. The Nomads have a tradition that after you introduce yourself they responded with “Hi Scott, Love you Scott LOTS”, the first time I heard this I thought “these people are f-ing nuts” but I was only 6 months sober and didn’t love myself at that time; now I am quite comfortable with the response, I participate and also tell them “I love you all also” in reply. We participate in all meetings and meals. We had our own late night meetings and some of the Nomads joined us around the bonfire, a few of the newcomers with us opened up and we had some really good feedback sessions. Sunday morning was the spiritual meeting, this was the one I was really apprehensive about, I was concerned that the Christian God would be pushed on me and I would have to defend my beliefs, oh sweet expectation and projection you failed me once again thanks for another lesson. The guy who talks strongly about his religion lead the meeting and for the most part kept it personal and didn’t preach he said the topic was our spiritual journey. I was the second to share and I share about going from Agnostic to becoming a Buddhist and explained part of my reason for moving to Lincoln was that I needed to be part of a Buddhist temple with a teacher, just as others need their church, mosque, synagogue or other place of worship and instruction. This was the first time I have ever gone that far in-depth about my religion in a meeting, if someone would have told me a week ago that I would be sharing about my Buddhism at a meeting of strong Christians I would have told them they were out of there f-ing minds. Another thing happened in that one of the long time and stronger Nomads said she wasn’t Christian or anything else, that she couldn’t even explain her concept of a God very well, this is a woman with over 25 years, this was really amazing to me and made me really comfortable, later we had a one on one, she became a new and respected friend to me and also to N who she had a one on one with her about PTSD, both suffer from past abuse. N got the support she needed over the weekend plus some rest, we were the last to leave, I took the kids down to the river and talked with 2 of them and will be giving N some constructive feedback on what the kids told me and also what I observed. I in turn was blessed by getting to know some people I held in suspect better and gained respect for them, I talked honestly and was accepted as an equal, I practiced giving unconditionally to N and the rest without being a martyr, it was Metta and I made sure I was doing things for me as well. I had 2 great mediation sessions; the one Saturday morning was down by the river it was on Metta plus staying in the moment with awareness of what was around me. The second one was Sunday morning, I was first up so I was able just to venture down the hill a bit after I started coffee that is, this mediation was on being still, I was able to be totally still for a few minutes, allowing the bugs to crawl on me and even nibble a bit, I focused on the vegetation and birds, a couple of the birds even few close by not realizing I was there until they got close, this was my first time being able to do this and I felt great joy and peace. The Happy Campers were invited to join the Nomads anytime they wanted to and we were offered the use of the property for our own campout if we wanted to do something, also my new friend said she wanted to camp with the Happy Campers at one of our future events. So old and young joined hands in fellowship making an new and hopefully lasting bond in the name of Happy, Joyous and Free, in the name of good strong recovery and in the realization that we need each old and new to survive.

I am sad and sentimental as all hell today!!! Part stems from the weekend; the beauty of it all brings tears of joy to my eyes. The other thing is I am starting realize my time is short and that along with N and her kids I will deeply miss my strong circle of close friends, the people I love the most and my strongest support system, a system where no words are needed, some of these people I have known since I first walked back into the rooms 2-1/2 years ago. I am going to say see you later to my home group Wednesday night since I don’t know when I will make a regular meeting there again other than the July birthday night, one of sponsee’s is celebrating 9 months and N will celebrates 3 years so I will drive back for that, I want to thank everyone for all they have done for me, for the love, for the support and encouragement. My sponsor asked me a couple of weeks ago what my biggest concern was about moving and I told him honestly it was finding another home group, I have a temp which may become a permanent but it is on a Friday night and if I get a job working at a halfway house I have a feeling that I will be on the night and weekend shift for a while. I am a bit touched by leaving my job also, I have been with them 10 years, my boss told me this morning he has had enough also and will be taking retirement within the next few months his decision was based in part by my leaving which made me realize how much he depended on the team effort we had. Now to Mich, I don’t know where I am at with her yet, I am a bit scared because she hasn’t found a place to live yet, her and her boyfriend squabble quite a bit so I am leery of them living together, I do know that she will take care of Angel, right now she is taking advantage of dad being there to watch Angel late at night but once I am gone she will settle back down. She is in God’s hands and for now that is the best I can do to keep from getting overwhelmed in my concern for her and Angel, I have offered more than once to let her move to Lincoln with me and share a home on a temporary bases but she says no and wants to stay here, time for her to grow up and dad to let go.

Until the next time
Peace Love and Light

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Photos from Sober float

1)Ladies and Gentlemen Mr. Wolfie185
2)Part of the crew, that's N next to me
3)N her daughter Kayla, my buddy J and some dude who got in the way
4)Morning mist on the Niobrara river just below our campsite
5)Along the river
6)Beautiful Nebraska praire

Metta on the Highway

Metta on the highway!! So I am driving down the interstate yesterday headed to Lincoln, other drivers and truckers are starting to trip me out and the line from “Born to be Wild” by Steppenwolf pops into my head, only instead of “Head out on the Highway” my mind sings “Metta on the Highway”. Metta is the Buddhist term for Loving Kindness and a mediation practice, so every time another driver did some thing that wasn’t of “my” prefect style of driving or a trucker was kissing my bumper, hey I am going 80mph in a 75mph, I hum “Metta on the Highway” which gives me a chuckle and defuses my irritation at other drivers.

Yesterday was a God day or maybe just some good karma, I can see it from both insights. My first search for housing was in northwest Lincoln and proved that I couldn’t afford what was available so now I know about that neighborhood. I dropped off my resumes at the 2 treatment centers, the HR person wasn’t available at the first one and at the second one their HR is on leave until August and all hiring and interviewing is on freeze until then. My next stop was at 1 of 2 halfway house facilitators, I filled out a job app, handed in my resume and actually talked to the administrator for a couple of minutes, she told me they are always looking for good help and not to brag but my resume is very good, so I shouldn’t have a problem getting an interview. At the second halfway house I handed my resume to the guy who does the interviews, didn’t talk to him much but at least he got to see a clean cut well dress person submitting an a resume. That evening I talked to a guy I know who works at the second house and he told me they are in the process of interviewing right now, so again I should get an interview. I do really well with interviews, just like when I do an AA presentation I may be all shades of nervous but I come across calm. I am honest in an interview, up beat and positive, so the times I have failed at an interview have been due to lack of qualification. Higher Power works because by nature I am fairly reserved but interviews and presentations are one of those areas where the HP steps, it also helps that I don’t BS, I talk about what I know and from the heart. If I don’t score a job I will be alright, I have to the set my mind that I may not, awareness of expectations.

My friend and I drove around looking for houses for rent in the area of town she lives in, old part of town, but there wasn’t much and what there was, was either too big, too small or a dump. We went to a meeting and I talked to a friend of mine who told me another guy in the fellowship, who I know but not well is a property manager, so I will call him this afternoon and see if he can give me any assistance. The meeting was another God sent, it is a speaker meeting. I really identified with the speaker, he talked about growing up always anxious, oh yeah been there done that I have chapter in the book, he also express his spiritualism as very general, all encompassing not of one ideal or another. I talked to him after the meeting and we hit it off. He just moved to Lincoln a year ago so was relatively new to the area, I talked about being a Buddhist and how I came to be one via the 11th step. We exchanged phone numbers and email addresses, he buzzed one off to me already about get together to visit once I move. I don’t think he is material for a replacement sponsor but he will definitely be someone to hang out with, he invited me to use his mediation studio, he is a novice also. I in turn told him about Kevin Griffin’s book One Breath at a Time which he wants to check out. I have a few friends I connect with in Lincoln but it is really nice to connect with some one on a more intellectual level, he is a literature professor at the University of Nebraska, coffee and a dissection of Grapes of Wrath anyone.

The drive home was good. Nothing exciting which as it should be at 10:00pm thru midnight on an interstate.

Until the next time
Peace Love and Light