It's 3:30am January 1st 2013, I can't sleep so maybe writing will help. Tonight we had a speaker event with snack food at the club house. My sponsor called me this afternoon to ask if I was going, one of the woman she sponsors was the key speaker but my sponsor wasn't going to the event due to the cold and snowy weather, sponsor is on oxygen, she ask if I would take her place and introduce the speaker. The speaker is a friend who is coming up on 7 years, we have done service work together, she is a big on working/living the steps and we both share a passion for The Doctor's Opinion; it was an honor to introduce her.
My group of friends had planned on road tripping to the annual New Years Eve bash in a town 45 miles east, something we do every year. We had light snow all day today and were leery of the roads so at 9:00 tonight we were still not positive we would be driving, after receiving a couple of text it was decide to skip the trip because we had heard there were cars in the ditch. We hung around one couples house of about 45 minutes then everyone decide to go to some other people in recovery house. By this time I was starting to burn down so decided to pick of some munchies and a movie and go home. When I got home Mich and her friend were sitting on the couch watching TV while the two 4 year old's played. Mich looked rather sick and she told my why.
Mich told me she was pregnant again, her friend stepped outside expecting me to blow my top I guess. I didn't blow my top, I just told her that it really messed up her moving forward and no reason to get angry over it what was done was done. Mich was sick, had a fever and was also having contractions, she called her doctor who advised her going to the ER. Her friend took her to the ER while I stayed with the girls, Carter was already sleeping in his room. I got a phone call around midnight saying she was dilating and she was going into labor. I was also told the doctor said the baby was too preemie to try and save. The father to the baby and Mich's friend are with her at the hospital and I will not know much more until morning.
It was too late to call anyone other than my oldest sister so I called her and talked for a bit. It is sad about the baby yet I feel this is for the best. My sister told me she knew last Friday about Mich being pregnant and Mich told her she was probably going to put the baby up for adoption. Mich is in no position to have another baby; she lives with me because she can't get her own place due to finances, she is just starting a very promising job work with the disabled, it is only part time but could lead into a career, and she doesn't have stable relationships.
I asked her tonight right after she told me she was pregnant why she wasn't on birth control, she said something about how it wasn't free in this county, her friend piped up and said it wasn't free but income based so still cheap. Getting her on birth control is one of the next steps she will have to take, at one point she told my niece birth control made her gain weight. Well gained weight be damned, she needs to either go on the pill, the shot or Norplant. She needs to take every precaution to make sure the next time she gets pregnant it is with a partner she plans on being with long term and they are financially able to have another child. Right now she needs to focus on being a good mother to the 2 she has, getting a career established and working on becoming self supporting.
I thank my Higher Power for the bad weather which kept me in town tonight and had me come home early so I could stay with the little ones while Mich went to the hospital. The late term miscarriage isn't a bad thing even though it is sad and the baby was developing, it just isn't the right time to bring a baby into our lives. I say our lives because everything Mich does right now has a direct effect on me.
Mich seems to be one of those emotionally and maturely developing young people that when things are starting to go well somehow manages to trip up. She has been doing really well the last couple of months, rarely goes out with friends. She hasn't had a boyfriend since she broke up with the abusive guy, the father of this baby is an on again off again fuck buddy for lack of a better term. I like him more than any of the others but he is a young male who likes to drink and have fun. She has shown a real interest and aptitude for working with the disabled, physically and mentally disabled. Her employer likes her and held her job while she was in limbo waiting for the courts to finish abuse case which was dropped. Looks like I need sit down with her and reiterate again how she needs to be mindful of her actions and really think hard about the choices she makes.
I am grateful the obsession to drink and use has been removed. I am grateful I can be a good grandpa to the little ones. I am grateful Mich is starting to pay her way. I am grateful can support her with tough love. If it wasn't for AA, the steps, sponsorship and my recovery friends tonight would have been totally messed up. I can see it for what it is, a sad day and sad days come and go, such is life.
Peace Love and Light
Scars of Love
1 week ago