Thought on the 12th Step

Compassion moved in when selfishness moved out!! There's a poem in there somewhere but it will have to wait for another time, the Muse flew at me and I am following her this way. At the 5:15pm meetings I chair a few times a week, I am GSR, we have someone read The Daily Reflection and also something from the Big Book. Todays Daily Reflection was on giving without expecting something in return and the passage read from the Big Book was what I consider to be one of the most important and that is page 62 where it states "Selfishness---self centerness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles" and then goes on to talk about how our selfish behavior effected us and others and how we thougtht we were God etc.

As the 2 thoughts for topics went around the room most people reflected more on the Daily Reflection and how during their drinking there was always an alterior motive for helping others and also there was talk about how when we get sober we learned that a lot of times the reward is that we stay sober even if the other person doesn't, a lot of talk about carrying the message and not the alcoholic.

When I chair a meeting I always share last, one if it is time to end the meeting or the meeting is running over I can just end the meeting without saying anything more than "thanks for being here and helping to keep me sober another day" nor if there are newcomers in the meeting and something off the wall is said I can end the meeting with a bit about the solution or a passage from the BB or 12 and 12. A lot of times I don't say much or just read a passage, I figure I don't need to reiterate what has already been said, with the exception of too much secular God talk, if that happens then I bring it back to "God as We Understand" and traditions. O.K. I am selfish in my concern that the message of positive recovery doesn't get diluted with a bunch of opinions left unclarified. Anywho the topics and sharing got me to thinking about Step 12.

It was because I was awaken spiritually that I am able to "try" and carry the message to alcoholics, practicing or otherwise and practice these principles in all my affairs. When I drank I was spiritually dead, there were times when I was compassionate and unselfish because that is my nature but King Alcohol was still my master and I was a slave to him and did what I had to in order to make sure I had enough drink avialable or I wouldn't follow though with things because my drinking made me lazy and uncarrying. As I worked the steps the compassion and unselfish behavior started to surface. I was told early in my first life in recovery to never say no to an AA request and to be of service. This time around I got active in service work fairly early, always being open to helping. Upon reflection I doubt I had very little second thoughts on doing this, it came naturally.

I have always had a spiritual side but up until I started studying and practicing Buddhism I didn't know how to apply it to all my affairs and daily living. People of other faiths do the same because the basic thread that runs though all faiths is compassion and getting out of self to serve our Higher Power and all of creation. Practicing compassion, unselfishness and loving kindness isn't always easy and I fall short everyday but I do my best and my awareness increases everyday if only in small things. I still have a habit of being nice to the pretty women just in case there is a chance that we will connect on a deeper level, damn you libido:-D I like the fact that there is no "right" or "wrong" there just "is" and if "is" is causing suffering then I need to do something about it. I have found for me that my suffer decreases the more I practice compassion, unselfishness and loving kindness. A lot of people I interact with don't know I am a recoverying alcholic working the 12 Steps or a Buddhist; some people I work with, the cashiers at my favorite store or gas station or others in places of business I frequent, they just know I smile at them always have a kind word to say and am generally friendly and that is the way it should be from my perspective.
Well it is 11:00pm and a book awaits.

P.S. Shadow you can steal the line for one of your poems if you think you can do something with it, you are much better poet than me, I'm just a rambling ole drunk in recovery.
Peace Love and Light
Scott