God woke me up at 6:30am

I woke up at 6:30am, now for some of you this is not a big deal, you work normal hours, you go to bed at a reasonable time but for me it is unusual unless I have to work the first shift, in which case I get up at 5:45am. I am not working a regular shift today, I have a staff meeting from 2:30pm until around 5:00pm and that is it. Oh yes my bed time is usually around 1:00am also, so my normal waking time is in the 9 to 10am range. Now I am not complaining mind you just saying that is what happened this morning and there was a good reason for it.

Since I was really awake, mind totally clear and aware, I read and commented on a couple of deeper issues than I wouldn't have if my mind would have been cloudy or if I lacked the time to reflect my thoughts with the bloggers post. My comments on these post or any post for that matter are just my perspectives to be taken for what they are worth, accept or disregarded as one will. As an ego driven human being I have my perspective/opinion, I see it as neither right or wrong but as "just is". I feel the words; right, wrong, good and bad are thrown around way too much and used judge mentally, when in fact it is all about ones perspective based on ones understanding of life so far and yes tainted with ones ignorance.

A another good side about waking up this early is that I have to replace the battery terminal on my car, once the temp gets above 35 which it should do by noon, it is sunny and cold this morning in Nebraska, the over night temps are dropping below 25. On the positive side for all of you who are thinking "damn that is cold" we don't have a killer north wind blowing, there is no moisture in the air, thus no ice or snow, although there is a chance of some later in the week. Also by getting up this early much to your amusement I am pecking out this post, coffee and smokes in their usually places on the desk.

Thank you all for your wonderful comments on my sobriety birthday, I felt the love!! I also received a lot of love from my friends back in Kearney via Facebook. Last night I took cookies to my home group and had a friend give me my chip. This is a man who I respect greatly, he was one of the first really solid members I got to know in Lincoln AA, it was through him that I found some really good meetings, meeting based on the Solution and not the problem. He said his ego was honored when I asked him about meetings and more honored when I actually showed up at those meetings, man can I identify with that. I am not saying this so much about myself but the willingness of people in recovery in general, isn't wonderful when a new person ask for direction and we see them follow through with it. There are a lot of meetings in Lincoln and I am sure most of them are really good but being the creature of habit I am, I will stick with the 5 meetings I like and am comfortable at for right now, maybe down the road I will need a break from these and investigate some different meetings just to keep things fresh.

Monday I worked the day shift at the treatment center. In the afternoon there is a Relapse group which was taught by the woman who was recently let go, yes she was unfortunately fired and her life is in God's hands. I had expressed interest in teaching this group. Monday my supervisor asked me if I wanted to teach it for that day and I said sure. He sat in on the group and afterwards he had me come to his office to review the group. His feedback was all positive, he said I have a "presents" in the group, that the clients paid attention to my feedback, he said I did a good job about keeping it general when talking about recovery, in other words in talking about my own recovery. I have been really working on talking in 3rd person when I do groups, keeping my recovery out of it and using "we, us, our" terms and not "me or I". The group did end with a clunk though, I was a much aware of this as my as my supervisor, he gave me some suggestions on how to handle the clunkiness, again positive. What all this means is that the group is now mine to teach on a weekly bases. I will review where the last person was taking the group and with my supervisors permission change anything I feel I need to change based on my own personal experience. If I don't teach the group based on my own personal experiences whether they be actually or from my perspective thus far in recovery based on what you have taught me then I lose my edge or passion. One things they do and this comes for the counselor's, is role play; if a client is getting ready to leave treatment the client will come up with different scenario's that may cause him/her to relapse and the peers will assist the client in playing them out. I feel role playing is unrealistic, anyone can handle anything in a controlled environment, there is too much time to think, while the scenarios may be actual they aren't realistic to what would be happening in real life, pretending to walk in on your partner smoking a joint or drinking a beer and actually having this happen are too totally different things, same goes for situations which test ones emotional and spiritual strength. What I am going to purpose is that we have the clients who are getting ready to leave treatment do is, sit on the "hot seat". Here is how a hot seat group works, the client sits on a chair in the middle of the room surrounded by their peers and staff, the peers take turns pointing out the clients weakness using feeling statements; " I feel afraid for you because you use humor as a defence and don't look at the real underlying problem" for example. The clients really have a better understanding of their peers than the counselors and staff members do, since they spend so much time together. Hot seat groups are not easy on for the client or the peers, no one likes to give tough love and constructive criticism, it is very uncomfortable for all involved which includes staff. The point of the hot seat is to make the client really aware of what others see about them, for the client to take that feedback and hopefully gain some insight into their own weakness's, weakness's that can mean life or death for some one new in recovery. This does not replace steps 6 and 7, maybe give some insight but I will make sure as I always do with the clients that it is imperative that they get a sponsor and work the steps once they leave treatment. I just think using the hot seat will serve the client better than role playing, I hope that my supervisor and the counselors agree, it not then I will just have to do the best with the tools I do have to work with. It is truly amazing and a gift that I am teaching this group, here I am with a background in manufacturing and mechanics, teaching a group at a treatment center, God really works in interesting ways!

I haven't heard from my daughter since last week. This makes me sad and hurt. She didn't call to see how my Thanksgiving went. She doesn't have a phone and I still won't help her out with one, she is too irresponsible with using her time. I can't afford to put her on my plan, well not a plan that would give her unlimited texting and a butt load of minutes like she needs. As far as I know she is still working as a waitress so she should be starting to make good money in tips, she just needs to learn to control her spending so that she can afford her own phone. I can text her best friend in an emergency to have my daughter call me. She usually calls once a week from either her friends phone or if she is in good terms with her boyfriend his phone. What I am trying to say is it sucks not having contact with her, just to see how things are going for her and my Angel. I am sure everything is alright, her best friend would call me in a heartbeat if things weren't. You know I am so much a parent. I think about all the conversations I have had with my parents over the years and completely understand how they felt when one of us wasn't in regular contact with them and how important it is too my mom for me to call her at least once a week now. My daughter, Angel and the unborn baby are in God's hands but it still doesn't completely keep dad/grandpa for wondering how they are doing especially when it has been a while since I have last talked to her. I guess karma is kicking in, she is busy with her life and just forgets the simple things that mean so much to parents just the way I have done in the past, 18 years from now she will probably be going through the same thing, God bless karma.

Well I suppose that is enough of a ramble for today. I need to get myself in the shower and dressed to meet the day. If anyone is into Trans-Siberian Orchestra, their newest Christmas album is excellent, a bit harder musically than past albums but still really good, Target has it on sale for $13.99 which is a good price considering it is a double disc, nothing like good progressive rock with a solid story about the true essence of Christmas.

May the sunlight of the Spirit shine on all of you!!
Peace, Love and Light
Scott