Friday's for what it's worth

This is the snow drift behind my mom's house in Kearney. Here in Lincoln we received about 10 inches, the wind created drifts much deeper than that though. the side streets where a bear cat, I had a hard time getting out on the main street Wednesday morning to get to work, I was temporarily stuck. I give Lincoln a lot of credit they do a much better job of clearing the main streets than the towns out west I was driving in yesterday. The temperature was below zero during the day on Wednesday due to the wind chill factor, yes I got out my gloves and cap, it warmed up into the 20's during the day yesterday. This isn't unusual weather for Nebraska, 30 years ago and more it was far worse, argue global warming if you will but our winters have become a lot milder. When I was a kid living in the country we would be stuck for day's because there would be 10ft or higher snow drifts blocking the roads, these were gravel roads cut through rolling hills. Sometime this spring I will have to take some pictures from where I use to live and post them here.

I held off go to see my mom and daughter until yesterday, Wednesday later afternoon and evening the interstate highway was still fairly nasty, blowing and drifting snow, even though I am a seasoned veteran of winter driving there is no reason for traveling 135 miles on crappy roads unless you absolutely have to. I got up early yesterday morning and headed down, interstate was clear, I came back last night since I have to be at work by 1pm today. Angel was happy to see grandpa and she went with me to my mom's. I got the photo's we had taken from my mom, they turned out really well, wish I had a scanner so I could show you all. While in town I also stopped and saw a couple of dear friends, one is a recovery buddy who is spending time in jail but has work release so I visited him at work. The jail time is doing him some good, he has been really digging into the steps, his sponsor and he are working the steps on how they apply to his relationship problems, which is what landed him in jail. We talked about the road tripping to San Antonio for the international convention and he is in. My plan is to buy a motor home with my tax refund and get 4 or 5 people together to split the cost, drive straight through, park the RV at a park spend a couple of days at the convention and head back Saturday late night so we will get back by Sunday late night for those that have to work Monday.

I had a great visit with one of the few close friends I had during my drinking daze. Her husband and her saw me at my worst and worried a lot about me, they know what a miracle it is that I am still sober. We hadn't seen each other since I moved out here. She said I looked really well. I thought I was doing good before but she said she could tell my disinterest in my old job was taking it's toll and even though I was happy my face still was haggard from not being spiritually complete. I always fine it interesting when people point these things out, I think I am really showing acceptance yet the face reviles the truth that inside I was suffering somewhat.

My daughter had her ultrasound yesterday and she is going to have a boy. He is healthy and the pregnancy is go well. He is due in April via c-section, so they are trying to figure out a date for his birth.

Angel is Angel, just as happy and content as could be. I took her, my daughter and her boyfriend out to eat at a Chinese buffet last night, my Christmas present to them for now. Angel really doesn't have a stopping point when it comes to eating, as long as we kept putting food in front of her she kept on eating it. She is a chunky baby by nature but not obese so I guess it is alright to let her eat as much as she wants for now, just have to monitor it if she continues to do so when she gets older. Poor baby got upset and cried when grandpa told her bye bye, she really understood what was happening and wouldn't give me a kiss or hugs. I take this as a gift from God and a gift of being sober.

Our holiday schedule is out. I am working 5 days over Christmas and also New Year's which includes the actual days and both eve's. My boss did me a big favor and scheduled me to work the 7am to 3pm shift Christmas, this way I will leave from work head back to Kearney and spend a few hours with Angel, my daughter, my mom and anyone else that may still be around. I did pull a selfish one with my daughter, I told her my visit takes priority over Angel spending time with anyone else Christmas day. Angel and I have been with each constantly from her birth until I moved here, for all practical purposes I am her main grandparent, she sees her dad and his family every few months. So I feel we have a much closer bond than anyone else. My daughter understand this and she also wants to spend what time I have Christmas day with me, it is a time of family for us. I may have my misgivings about Christmas but it is and will always be about family to me. In the past it might of been a chore but I always made sure I was at the family Christmas gatherings, whether I was getting along with family members or not, I went because I knew my parents needed me there, that on this one day we put aside our differences and were a family, I even held off on my drinking because my dad did not approve of it, once he left it was a whole other story though.

I will write more about work and holiday's, what we have planned for the clients and such. Tonite is anger management group for me, we have a bunch of newer clients and I will take them through "selfishness and self centeredness" as outlined in the Big Book and finish with pages 86-88. Pages 86-88 outline the way in which we learn to recognize our anger, fears and other feelings and how to handle them in a healthy way, which is spiritual. There may be a couple of clients who have heard this discussion before but it won't hurt them to hear it again plus I am starting to fine tune my lesson structure and hopefully I will have the clunk's out this time.

My boss talked to me Wednesday and he wants to find a group or 2 for me to teach, either existing or a new ones of my choice upon approval from the clinical staff. He is taking my Hot Seat idea to them so maybe I will get a chance to explain to them how this works and why I feel it is beneficial, if they shoot it down no big deal, I did the footwork which is what counts. I have another idea about having a group on steps, 1,2,3,10 and 11. These are kind of covered in general treatment plans and other groups but there isn't a group designed for just the steps. My thought is that I can use some material from workbooks available, the Big Book and 12 and 12 to assist the clients in better understanding these steps. I am not a replacement for a sponsor, I feel that these steps can aid people early in recovery prior to working all the steps with a sponsor. I am leaving out steps 4 thru 9 because I feel these are steps that can only be done with a sponsor, step 12 is also better left alone until one has a sponsor. This is just something I am purposing. My boss is also considering changing the time and of spirituality group so it fits into my schedule better, I told him this is the one existing group I would really like to teach. Right now we do it on Sunday morning, my problem is I work the overnight shift on Sunday/Monday, time will tell.

Well time to take a shower and get ready for work. I hope and pray everyone is hanging in there at least, better than hanging in there would be great but sometimes it isn't meant to be.

Peace Love and Light
Big HUGS from Nebraska
Scott