A Time of anwsered Prayers

It has been a couple of months worth of answered prayers!!! First was the selling of my home in Kearney which allowed me to move to Lincoln. Next it was finding a duplex to live in instead having to move into an apartment, this allowed me to have a washer and dryer so I didn't have to start doing the laundromat thing, it allow me to put up a storage shed instead of rent a storage unit for all my stuff, it provides me with the privacy I am use to and a nice lawn to take care and enjoy, a place for my dog to be comfortable in, the yard provides for my new found bird and rabbit friends also that I am feeding. Then came the job, a job the was given to me by God so that I can use the talents God has given me to serve other's, those new to recovery and those starting over and now I am coming to find out my experience as a practicing alcoholic/addict and a recovering alcoholic/addict is helping the techs who aren't alcoholic/addict understand the disease better via my sharing my story with them. It is rewarding to come home from work knowing you have done something positive, something that was of service to God and society. Some people cringe when I tell them I took a $3.00 an hour pay cut for this job but sometimes the rewards we reap are not monetary. Last week my companion N got a dream job being of service to God and society also, for her it was also an increase in pay and benefits but with 3 kids she needed this. My bond with N has grown stronger in small steps and so has the bond with her kids, see my last post.

Yesterday was a head banger though. My daughter and granddaughter have been living with N on a temporary bases, N's oldest son has been gone so it hasn't been too much of a problem but N is also not suppose to have anyone live with her for over a couple of weeks due to the regulations of assisted housing, so she was getting a bit nervous someone would find out and she would get in big trouble, also her son is back home because school has started, so N's stress level and mine were starting to max out since my daughter hadn't found a place to live. Part of the problem with my daughter is she can't sign a lease since she isn't 19, another is just pure laziness and wanting to live in too nice of a place instead of getting what she needs for her and the baby (1 year old) and having me sign the lease for her. Also she has this on again off again boyfriend who is 19 and suppose to be helping her find something but is worse at procrastinating than she is. Boyfriend is also lazy and has a poor job history which isn't helping him find work. When I saw them Sunday at N's house I stated it clearly as possible that she had to find a place by the end of the week, she has had 2 months to find a place to live, boyfriend was also there and I asked him if he had a job and he said yeah 2 jobs, stupid me didn't ask him what they were though. Tuesday I get a call from my daughter saying she has found a "nice" 3 bedroom house for $650.00 a month and needs a deposit of $650.00, she says that her boyfriend and another guy were going to split the rent, the other guy I know doesn't have a job and my daughter is just starting a job for minimum wage and only 20-30 hours a week, I told her she needed to get a guarantee that the friend would stick to his end of the bargain before I would do anything which also gave me time to think more about it, I also told her she needed to look for something cheaper. Yesterday she called asking about the deposit money, I question her on the friend, he hasn't returned her phone call, I ask her about her boyfriends contribution and she tells me he is waiting to get paid, then she tells me what the 2 jobs that I forgot to ask about are, he is babysitting for his sister and another friend, I was dumbfounded to say the least, not sure what I said to my daughter but I ended the conversation basically by saying a $650.00 a month apartment was out of the question considering the circumstances, no solid incomes. Alright I set myself up for this serenity deflation, I assumed that boyfriend's 2 jobs where construction related under the table jobs, oddball stuff like concrete work, roofing, oddball stuff which isn't uncommon in the summer time around here anyway, some how I expected deadbeat boyfriend to have changed. Somehow I expected my daughter to finally wise to this guy if he hadn't changed and assumed he had since they were together again, so my text to N saying "God grant me serenity PLEASE" was in reaction to my own messed up thinking, my expectations cause me to lose my serenity. So I had a very upset daughter because I won't go for this $650.00 house, I tell her to start checking out other for rent places and see if anyone will let her and Angel stay with them for a brief time until she finds something affordable. Part of the problem has also been that I have tried to stay out of this for the most part, making my daughter take responsibility and do the footwork herself, she is out on her own with a baby and needs to figure this stuff out without me doing the work for her all the time, when we have talked over the last few weeks I have asked her about finding a place to live and a job, so I have been reminding her so it is not like I haven't taken interest. I hit the panic button yesterday after talking to her, got on the local newspapers website and started making calls for housing that is in our price range, in the mean time the response I got back from N wasn't the loving one I expected, there goes that expect word again, it was a panic back from her in large type about her concerns over getting in trouble, one of the numbers I dialed showed up as a listed contact, one of my friends in recovery was renting out his basement apartment for $400.00 utilities paid, PRAYER ANSWERED thank you GOD. My daughter isn't overly happy about this, it isn't as nice as she would liked but I told her point blank it isn't about what you want it is about what you need and you need an affordable place to live for you and the baby, plus the guy is a friend and will work with you, no deposit needed, he will bend a bit on when the rent is due, it is safe and secure. I have never in my life lived by high standards, I am not into trashy living conditions although my old house wasn't in great condition while I was drinking, so I don't know where this idea of my daughters that she has to have a really nice place to live comes from, unless she just feels she needs to raise above the normal working class living conditions she was raised with. I told her that when she and her boyfriend save the money they can move into any place they want but for now just be grateful to have a place to live and it is not with someone else. I talked to N last night and she had calmed down and was normal over the phone, she understood my concern and I told her part of my fear was that this problem with my daughter would put a strain on our relationship, she just giggled and said it was alright. So once again God answered a prayer, although It did inject a bit of pain into my butt to get the footwork started for the prayer to be answered.

I have come a long way in on this path to recovery, I walked in an Agnostic not really certain about the power of prayer and to be honest I am still not 100% sure. What I do know is that it doesn't hurt anything to ask that our needs and those of ours be met if it be Thy will, to believe in the positive power in the universe, to believe that when we live our lives in a Godly way we receive the rewards for it. That our belief in a God of our understanding will see us through, that if we do the footwork that good things will happen not all the time but if it is to be it will be. I feel that God gave N and me our jobs because we worked hard at our recovery, that we are sincere about our devotion to helping others and using our dark past as a means to hopefully shed some light on another life, that it has taken this long for both of to have the awareness and strength to serve constructively. The promises are coming true for us because we have worked and are working the 12 steps, because we live by spiritual principles, not just because she is a Christian and I am Buddhist, we have both changed are way of living, she has become grounded in her family life and stopped having meaningless relationships in order to give herself some since of self worth by pleasing another. I have given myself to the practice of awareness and unselfishness as hard as it may be, I do my best to watch my words, awareness of how powerful words can be whether it be profanity/vulgarity or negative words, I try to be aware of my actions and how they effect others. I try every day to practice loving kindness and compassion towards others and so does N. I try to be Christ like and Buddha like in all that I do. I fail quite often but it is in the failing that I become away of where the work needs to take place. None of this is a direct result of just me or N, it is a gift from God, a gift I humbly acknowledge and give thanks for every morning and every night, it is the grace that is bestowed upon us. I know there are some of my blogger friends that are going through some really hard times and it seems that God is acting against them and my post here may seem like BS from where they are sitting all I can say is that as long as we stay sober something positive will come out of your pain in the end, as Prayer Girl said sometimes we have to stand in the hallway and wait for the next door to open. I hope I have given a bit of hope that the door will open for all when the time is right, it has been over 2 years waiting for these doors to open for me, well the big doors anyway, I have had a bunch of small ones open every once in a while. I should always try and be grateful for the doors, the ones that shut and the ones that open, for they give me an opportunity not dreamed of. The stuff with my daughter will be an on going process of ups and downs, this I will say is pure Karma for how I was with my parents, God is repaying my parents love and frustrations over my life via that of my daughter, the difference being for now is I have a fellowship to help me along that they didn't have, I have teachers who can guide me through the tough times when I really want to enable her even when it goes against my better judgement, who will step on my toes with tough love, my parents did the best they could with what they had and we both came out safely in the end once again thanks to God.

Peace Love and Light
Scott