Life is Good

Life is good fellow travelers, not great but good, I still have enough hiccups in life that keep it from being great but don't we all, if I use the tools in the spiritual tool box I usually maintain an attitude of graditude, not perfect on using the tools all the time but getting better.

I had my first full day at the treatment center today, Yee Haw!! I worked a split shift noon to 8:00pm, so I was able to see a bit of first shift and second shift. Mainly I observed the other tech's and they explained what they were doing and the documentation for each client and shift documentation. God must want me in this job because I wasn't shy or nervous about giving feedback or imput to the other tech's or clients. I didn't interact with all the clients but I got a general feel for most of them by observing them and also the other tech's shared their feelings about the clients. I took part in a couple of educational sessions, most of the sessions are done by the tech's and not the counselors. The treatment center I went to the counselors did all the educational training and the tech's were basically babysitters who provided support for the clients, lending an ear or helping them with basic things. The 2 sessions we had today were, relapse education and communication skills, I had a pretty good understanding of both. We had a couple of minor problems with a few clients and I was allowed to be part of the discussion about them and how to deal with them, it was really rewarding to be asked for feedback from the other tech's. We also had a major insodent, one of the clients went AWOL, the facility is not a lock down treatment so people can just leave if they want to, it is called eloping. The client is in treatment under a requirement from the mental health board, meaning he as mental health issues as well as drug and alcohol problems, so when we discovered he eloped we had to contact, the city police, state patrol and mental health board since he is considered a danger to himself and possibly his family. This insodent was a good example for me to see how the tech's handle an difficult situation. Thanks to God, the one of my understanding as always, I think I left a good impression on the other tech's my first day at work, it really came natural for me, again thanks to God who gave me my gifts.

N and her youngest son spent the weekend. Saturday I took them to a really good 10:00am meeting, then we went shoe shopping for her son, they both took a nap when we got back after a bit of late lunch, then we went to Omaha to hear a speaker and a dance, didn't stay too long at the dance, the 9 year old was very restless plus by the time we got some late supper it was making it another late night. Sunday N and I got up early, she forgot to turn off her early alarm, so we got up (she slept on the couch) had some coffee, went for a walk and then came back and had a meeting between us, talked about pages 86 and 87 in the Big Book which was mentioned by the speaker but N wasn't familiar with but I was. After breakfast we went to church, then did some shopping, I need some kind of divider between my kitchen and living room because the heat from the kitchen goes into the living room and keeps the window AC from doing it's job completely, N told a sales lady what the problem was in "our house" after shopping we came back here until it was time for N to head home. When N left she gave me the tightest longest hugs yet and thanked me for a great weekend, later she would text me and repeat the thanks for a great weekend. O.K. travelers if you don't believe god has a sense of humor dig this, I didn't think the weekend was all that special, it was average and enjoyable but not what I would consider great, yeah we did a couple of special things but not like the last weekend she was out, not in my book anyway, but N thought the weekend was very special and had a great time, so lesson to Wolfie once again don't project much and don't expect great things to make a great thing happen. This relationship is growing stronger because we are able to just be ourselves with each other, we behavior normally, I let her take a nap if she wants to take a nap, during the week she is always on the go so I understand that she needs rest on the weekends and feel honored that she can rest when we are together, this has been done at her house when I am there also, we are comfortable being together and neither feels the need to be constantly entertaining for looking after the others needs, o.k I pamper her but I also let her be her. Now this may not sound like a big deal to some but to me one who never learned how to have a health relationship it is a huge deal, my views on new relationships are all backwards, usually because we had sex first and then got to know each other later and didn't bond on other levels broke up when sex wasn't enough to keep the flame alive. The intimacy is on the horizon not sure how far away that horizon is but I am willing to wait, the things I am learning are far more important than entangled bodies and long kisses, not saying I don't crave that, just saying I understand the importance of the what is happening in the here and now.

So about this trip to church. My experience with churches is pretty much the Baptist and E Free churches I was raised in, with a brief trip into the Methodist during a period of searching during my relapse, so going to a church where you could buy coffee shop beverages and take them in with you was a shock, oh yeah the church service is in a theater downtown, one with couches, round bar tables bar stools and theater chairs, shock number 2. The pastor didn't give a sermon instead they showed a video tape of a sermon from the pastor of the Mars Hill Church in Seattle, the sermon was on how men act in marriages and relationships.In the video he talked about physically abuse men, emotionally abusive men, men who ignore the families, men who aren't responsible, it is available on line if you go to the Mars Hill Church website and search archives. Thankfully I didn't fit into any of the catagories he was describing. He talked about how men need to be respectfully to their wives and girlfriends and also kids, to show loving kindness and compassion, in other words be like Jesus. He told us we need to be the spiritual leader of the family and to set a good example, to share with our female half and kids, we need to be present in mind, body and spirit, we need to be supportive, to be a part of the spiritual community. This was all great and I agreed with him and attempt to live my life the way he was talking about with the one expection, I am not a Christian which caused some turmoil within me because was thinking about my relationship with the pretty lady sitting next to me and our future. We didn't talk that much about the sermon when we left other than I told her that the Eightfold Path of Buddhism is my way of doing what he was talking about. After N left, I went and bought the great book "Living Buddha, Living Christ" by Thich Nhat Hahn, I had tried reading it when I was drinking but that was a waste but I do know enough people who have read it that I was sure it would be of some assistance in my suffering. Another thing I did was call my spiritual advisor, ironically enough he is a Episcopalian priest and talked to him. He had heard the sermon about men also so he was familiar with it so we talked about that, oh yeah he is also 26 years sober, we related the sermon to the principles of recovery. I talked about N and my fears and he told me not to worry about it. She is more than well aware of my being a Buddhist and yet choices to spend long periods of time with me. He said that I live a spiritual life based on my own spiritual beliefs, that my spiritual community consist mainly of AA and that N and I are both a very active part of that community and we involve the kids in this community when we can and that I support her in involvement with the church and having her kids involved with the church when she can. He reminded it is better to be a good Buddhist than a bad Christian and that N probably recognized that also. He also told me that I cannot fulfill the one requirement for being a Christian and that is believing Jesus is the one true son of God, sorry folks stopped believing that when I was a teenager and try as I might for conventional reasons I still can't believe it. We talked about what happened was my old insurities reared their ugly heads again and I was worried N wouldn't be able to love me if I didn't believe as she did. So I go back to God having a sense of humor, because N's feedback about the weekend was stronger and more positive than the last time we were together. As the advisor told me, I was telling myself stories and just let the relationship take it's course the way God plans it to.

So as you can see the last couple of days have been days of learning and I am greatful for them, even if there was a bit of confusion involved. I am reminded of trust, recovery for me tends to be about learning to trust, trusting God and trusting others, sometimes this is really easy like when I need to call my spiritual advisor or sponsor for advise, other times it is hard like trusting God and N with this relationship, but none of them have let me down and I have done my footwork also because learning to trust includes taking action on my part.

Peace Love and Light
Scott