The Move

I had my Internet connected yesterday, only one problem, I made the call to the provider from my other house and didn't realize that the one room that does not have a phone jack is the room I am using for a library, so instead of typing in comfort at my desk, I am doing it in the living room, the lap top is on a TV tray and the keyboard is on a lap tray, I can't type very well on the lap top's keyboard so I have my wireless keyboard and mouse, the laptop mouse is a test of patience from God that I avoid unless necessary, the jack gets install Friday.

The last packing up was a bit insane, my part was alright, it was the drama with Mich and her boyfriend that was a freaking mess!! Mich ended up having to move in with a friend and her mom, while there she will try and figure out a place to live and also get a job, I rented her a storage unit for her stuff, her boyfriend and a kid who was crashing at my place (homeless friend of Mich's that I have known for years) moved the big stuff to the unit Thursday night with a bit of help from me. My intensions where to be on the road to Lincoln by 3:00pm Friday afternoon, I am so glad I stopped putting a lot of faith in expectations because that fell through and I didn't turn into a major asshole just a minor one. Mich didn't get over to the house until almost noon, oh yeah the woman who bought the house was going to be there at 2:00, the homeless kid did help clean a lot and I paid him, Mich's boy friend was being a real dickhead and for some reason wouldn't answer the phone and never did show up to help, Mich had a bit of odds and end to do which meant using my car for moving I and I needed my car to haul stuff in also. It ended up being 4:00 by the time things were loaded up. I still have stuff in the shed that needs to come down and some that will go to N's garage for a bit.

Mich is going to have a bit of a struggle, I think her dream of happy couple is fading and now she realizes she needs to figure things out on her own. She called yesterday complaining about some stuff and I told her she needs to go to DHHS and talk to her caseworker, she whined that she didn't know her caseworkers name and I told her in not so nice of a way that she needed to go to the office and find out his name and get some answers to questions I didn't know and to clarify things. She has to do things on her own and she has to ask for help and use the agencies available for that help, I don't know if she is too prideful to ask for help or thinks that because she has been shot down a couple of times she will continue to be shot down, what ever the reason she has to start finding out. There is an agency that provides housing for single mothers, she has to get on their list. She has to start motivating herself to finding out the answers on her own and stop relying on dad and others. My move is tough on her but it is what she needs, she needs the bumps and bruises that will make her more responsible, some are worried about Angel but I think Angel will be alright, Mich loves and cares for her daughter but still has that 18 year old mind that makes her do stupid shit. If for some reason she is unable to take good care of Angel I will step in and have Angel put in my care temporarily, I hope and pray it doesn't come down to this, not that I can't take care of Angel but that I want Mich to get it together without having this happen.

N, her oldest daughter and 9 year old son (youngest) helped me move unload the rest of my stuff Friday night and stayed over, N slept on the couch. Saturday we went to the natural history museum which is part of the University of Nebraska, they had never been there before and really enjoyed it. After that we went to a speciality shop, the shop sells hippie style women's clothes, jewelry, t-shirts, decorating stuff and the like, N and her daughter fell in love with the clothes, I told her I would buy her 1 piece of clothing or jewelry, well she wanted a top really bad but was having a hard time finding one that would fit because she is big chested and tall, finally she asked for help and the women found her some tops to try on, of which one she bought, we where in the store for probably an hour. I didn't mind the waiting because it is all part of loving N and letting her see that. Next it was on to the organic store my friend works at, again long time spent there because N got on their information computer and was looking up different nature foods, supplements and things that provide natural remedies to health issues. The store is a cooperative, so I will buy into it so we can save some money in the future, really not that expensive, $100.00 for 4 years and with 5 to 10 percent discounts we will get our moneys worth over time, especially on health and beauty products. N also lived in Lincoln until her 9Th grade year so we went and visited her old haunts, showed the kids some places. She has plans to come down every couple of weeks, I will give her gas money, there is much more to do in Lincoln than in Kearney for us, stuff that is family orientated and doesn't cost much, I told her next time we will have to eat at my house more and she is good with that. Nothing was really said about our future or taking things to the next level, but a lot was said about spending time together in the future. This relationship is very much old fashion courting, both of us have jumped into relationships too fast just to have them fail, I feel that N is just taking her time, to make sure this will last, her kids love and respect me and I feel the same with them, I am solid male figure in her daughters life, one that she is comfortable talking with and spending time with, the boys are getting closer to me also. When I dropped N off in Kearney, she told me she had a great couple of days, lots of tight hugs, I think the time was a reassurance that we could spend a long period of time together with the kids and be relaxed and have a good time just being us. I go back to this is all about growing together and see if we can be a couple in a healthy way. I am going to Kearney tomorrow, get stuff from the shed, spend time with my mom, Mich and Angel, then I will cook supper for N and the kids, then to my home group for birthday night to help N celebrate 3 years and a sponsee 9 months, I am going to stay the night at N's house and come back Thursday, after that we start the longer runs between see each other.

Lincoln recovery is good!! I went to the Sunday NA meeting I liked and it was good once again. Last night I went to a men's stag meeting that a guy I met told me about, ran into a couple of guys I know from state service work. The meeting was really good and positive, no women bashing, cursing was discouraged, all in all a great meeting. My sponsor is against segregated meetings because the Big Book states "We are men and women" very much a purest view but that is his opinion not sure I accept it 100% since I heard some really awesome in the solution recovery last night, for now if I am able I will continue to go to this meeting, I connected with a couple of older guys with time in recovery and I need that. Tonight I am going to a young peoples meeting, it is a big meeting with breakout groups. The guys at the men's meetings gave me some meeting suggestions for other nights of the week also. I have also been to the coffee shop a few times and talked with some acquaintance's just to get to know them better.

Life is good my Peeps, yeah Steve I lifted your word. getting settled in, the shed is on hold until the weekend when I can get some help, I know I can't do it on my own because the walls and roof. I have to chill on the spending, other than hitting thift shops for an end table and lamp I think I am pretty much done with needs and wants for now, I will get a couple of hanging things from the shop N likes in a couple of weeks but they are wants not needs.

Peace Love Light
Scott