Joy and Tears

Wow what a weekend!! I was apprehensive about going to the campout I went to this weekend because of the people who were hosting it, the guy tends to get a bit preachy, talks about the Bible and Jesus in meetings quite a bit, but God took control and I went. N’s fourteen year old son, disappeared Wednesday night, he was out with friends and didn’t come home and she couldn’t find him, she finally called him in to the police and found out the kid he was hanging with has a bad history, vandalism and theft, she came to work Thursday just to keep herself busy, talk about powerless in watching someone you love be in heavy pain and there is nothing you can do but just be there for them with spiritual and emotional support, anywho they found him at noon Thursday, when I talked to her Thursday night she said she really wanted to get away, kids went with us, and relax plus needed the support of the fellowship, so apprehensive or not I said yes, no second thoughts, it ain’t about me. The about ½ of the Happy Campers went up as well.

The campout was an annual event for a group of people in recovery who call themselves the “Nomads” they have been around 26 years, they started out as young people in recovery and at one time they were a registered group. The Nomads hung out together, they would road trip to meetings, have cookouts and campouts, plus attend AA events through out the states. The Nomads were very excited to see this new group of young people in recovery called the Happy Campers show up to their event; they shared much love and support for what we were doing. I had been to a couple of the Nomad meetings over the last 3 years but never spent a weekend with them. The Nomads have a tradition that after you introduce yourself they responded with “Hi Scott, Love you Scott LOTS”, the first time I heard this I thought “these people are f-ing nuts” but I was only 6 months sober and didn’t love myself at that time; now I am quite comfortable with the response, I participate and also tell them “I love you all also” in reply. We participate in all meetings and meals. We had our own late night meetings and some of the Nomads joined us around the bonfire, a few of the newcomers with us opened up and we had some really good feedback sessions. Sunday morning was the spiritual meeting, this was the one I was really apprehensive about, I was concerned that the Christian God would be pushed on me and I would have to defend my beliefs, oh sweet expectation and projection you failed me once again thanks for another lesson. The guy who talks strongly about his religion lead the meeting and for the most part kept it personal and didn’t preach he said the topic was our spiritual journey. I was the second to share and I share about going from Agnostic to becoming a Buddhist and explained part of my reason for moving to Lincoln was that I needed to be part of a Buddhist temple with a teacher, just as others need their church, mosque, synagogue or other place of worship and instruction. This was the first time I have ever gone that far in-depth about my religion in a meeting, if someone would have told me a week ago that I would be sharing about my Buddhism at a meeting of strong Christians I would have told them they were out of there f-ing minds. Another thing happened in that one of the long time and stronger Nomads said she wasn’t Christian or anything else, that she couldn’t even explain her concept of a God very well, this is a woman with over 25 years, this was really amazing to me and made me really comfortable, later we had a one on one, she became a new and respected friend to me and also to N who she had a one on one with her about PTSD, both suffer from past abuse. N got the support she needed over the weekend plus some rest, we were the last to leave, I took the kids down to the river and talked with 2 of them and will be giving N some constructive feedback on what the kids told me and also what I observed. I in turn was blessed by getting to know some people I held in suspect better and gained respect for them, I talked honestly and was accepted as an equal, I practiced giving unconditionally to N and the rest without being a martyr, it was Metta and I made sure I was doing things for me as well. I had 2 great mediation sessions; the one Saturday morning was down by the river it was on Metta plus staying in the moment with awareness of what was around me. The second one was Sunday morning, I was first up so I was able just to venture down the hill a bit after I started coffee that is, this mediation was on being still, I was able to be totally still for a few minutes, allowing the bugs to crawl on me and even nibble a bit, I focused on the vegetation and birds, a couple of the birds even few close by not realizing I was there until they got close, this was my first time being able to do this and I felt great joy and peace. The Happy Campers were invited to join the Nomads anytime they wanted to and we were offered the use of the property for our own campout if we wanted to do something, also my new friend said she wanted to camp with the Happy Campers at one of our future events. So old and young joined hands in fellowship making an new and hopefully lasting bond in the name of Happy, Joyous and Free, in the name of good strong recovery and in the realization that we need each old and new to survive.

I am sad and sentimental as all hell today!!! Part stems from the weekend; the beauty of it all brings tears of joy to my eyes. The other thing is I am starting realize my time is short and that along with N and her kids I will deeply miss my strong circle of close friends, the people I love the most and my strongest support system, a system where no words are needed, some of these people I have known since I first walked back into the rooms 2-1/2 years ago. I am going to say see you later to my home group Wednesday night since I don’t know when I will make a regular meeting there again other than the July birthday night, one of sponsee’s is celebrating 9 months and N will celebrates 3 years so I will drive back for that, I want to thank everyone for all they have done for me, for the love, for the support and encouragement. My sponsor asked me a couple of weeks ago what my biggest concern was about moving and I told him honestly it was finding another home group, I have a temp which may become a permanent but it is on a Friday night and if I get a job working at a halfway house I have a feeling that I will be on the night and weekend shift for a while. I am a bit touched by leaving my job also, I have been with them 10 years, my boss told me this morning he has had enough also and will be taking retirement within the next few months his decision was based in part by my leaving which made me realize how much he depended on the team effort we had. Now to Mich, I don’t know where I am at with her yet, I am a bit scared because she hasn’t found a place to live yet, her and her boyfriend squabble quite a bit so I am leery of them living together, I do know that she will take care of Angel, right now she is taking advantage of dad being there to watch Angel late at night but once I am gone she will settle back down. She is in God’s hands and for now that is the best I can do to keep from getting overwhelmed in my concern for her and Angel, I have offered more than once to let her move to Lincoln with me and share a home on a temporary bases but she says no and wants to stay here, time for her to grow up and dad to let go.




Until the next time
Peace Love and Light