Well hang on to your skivvies friends this might be a long one. I am going to write about our weekend camping trip, there is so much to tell, about the group, about what we did and about what I learned, educationally, spiritually and emotionally.
We were 10 adults and 4 kids, the adult were mainly in there 30’s, with one early 20’s, the 2 old men where myself and another guy who is 50 but we are young at heart. The kids were twin 13 year olds, 12 year old and an 8 year old, all siblings. We ended up taking my station wagon, no not the old boat type but a sleeker late 90’s model Ford I am not a total geek (vanity noticed) and also my pickup because we had too much stuff to for the medium sized cars every body had, coolers, lawn chairs and bedding take up a lot of space. We convoyed the 130 miles there with a stop at the nearest Wal-Mart for ice and lunch stuff, rolled into the cultural center at 1:30pm. The weather was overcast with light showers off and on when we were unloading and setting up. The ladies were impressed with the bunk houses, nice beds, linen provided, nicely decorated and very quaint and cozy, the nice restrooms/shower was a bonus even if it was a short walk away, and it didn’t smell like an outhouse.
Once we all got settled in it was education time. We all gather at the museum and were given an amazing history lesson. Most of us were aware that Nebraska was the home of Mammoth’s and Mastodon’s but we were not aware that 14-7 million years ago Nebraska was one of the most heavily populated places in the world for land animals. In those times Nebraska was a lush tropical land not far from a large body of water, unlike the flat plains and rolling canyons you see today. We were shown fossils or replica’s fossils that were found in the same area we were staying at; Nebraska is the home to 22 first time mammal discoveries. We were told about the unique Shovelnose Mastodon, rhino’s, saber tooth cat’s, predators and grazers. From there we were told about the indigenous people who first lived here, their hunting and farming techniques were explained. He worked his way into the time of the first settlers, the time of the buffalo, how the horse change everything, so that what where once farmers became more nomadic and the teepee replaced the earthen lodge. We where also told about the conflicts between the people of European descent and the native’s, how the government used the mass killing of buffalo against the natives by depleting an essential part of their lively hood, buffalo was food, clothing, shelter, and tools. He had different hands on fossils and artifacts so everyone could take a close look and really see what he was talking about. Next we moved to the reconstructed earthen lodge, it was a replica of a lodge dating back 1300 years ago. The life of the lodge dwellers was explained. The girls and women were told what their primary duties would have been, learning how to work animal hides for daily use, plus farming. Boys and men were told our job would have been the constant making of tools for farming and hunting, since the tool material, namely rocks, would dulled or break easily. He told us it took 3 years to make 1 lodge which held around 20 people. He explained how food was stored in the ground using layers and sealed with an ash mixture. He also talked about symbolism showing us feathers, drums, rattles, whistles and other things. He condemned modern society for our moving away from family traditions and unity, for our dependence on all the mod con’s of which he said he is just as guilty of. He praised the simple life that is by far more spiritually gratifying. In the early evening after supper, for some it was buffalo stew made with native ingredients and blue corn muffins, we were taken to the medicine circle. As he said medicine circle was really a lame translation of what it really is, a closer term would be spiritual magic circle. The circle is a place of worship and a calendar based on equinoxes, solaces, stars, moon, and sun pattern, with the number and placement of stones having significances. We were then taken on a hike to a natural spring. When ever we hiked he would point out little things, mostly plants and their various uses, Sunday evening he taught us how to make friendship bracelets from the fibers of the Yucca plant. He told us why the cottonwood tree has dancing leafs, the stem of the leaf is square instead of round and picks up the slightest breeze, he told about the healing powers of moss and cedar tree berries, wild pepper and others. He talked a lot about interdependence with nature; Buddha meets the Great Spirit if you will. So this was our education from a human teacher, the rest of the teachings came from the Spirit.
Saturday night we had a bonfire AA meeting, reading the story “Join the Tribe” from the 3rd edition of the Big Book, after that it was time for smore’s and roasting hot dogs over the fire. Saturday late night/Sunday early morning we had some heavy rains, we used it as a symbol that our souls were washed and cleansed for a new day. Sunday we had a wonderful breakfast of burritos, omelets and smoothies, yes smoothies, the chef brought a power pack so he could operate a blender, which floored my Grizzly Adams ass but everyone loved them so what the hell. I actually gave my girly girl friend a good smile when I came back from taking a hot shower and told her that “I may get all Grizzly Adams when camping but I am not going to ignore a hot shower in the morning if ones is available.” We started our day with an AA meeting reading pages 86 and 87 from the Big Book, the passage that starts out “Upon awakening” and talks about prayer and mediation, we closed with the “Prayer of St. Francis”. The chef and a couple of women were up early Saturday morning so there was talking right off the get go and I was also the other cook, so I never made time for early morning mediation on Saturday but I am use to this and came calm myself even with the activity going on around me. Sunday turned out to be a beautiful late spring day, nice sunshine temps in the mid 70’s, after some arm twisting every one went for a hike, it is impossible for 14 people to stay absolutely quiet, but I did take a couple of kids with me and we went ahead of the pack walked fairly silently taking in what we could, I would point out different things along the trail that they would have missed if they would have been gabbing and messing around. The trail end at lake/pond where the canoes were, so 5 adults and the 4 kids stayed and canoed while the rest went back to camp or into town for more ice. The lake was small and shallow but just right for novice canoe’rs including myself. There was a Blue Heron doing touch and goes along the edge and over the reeds, wood ducks, various birds, saw a big turtle swimming just under the surface and a water snake hauling ass across the surface, lots of relaxing fun. Sunday late afternoon was time for playing some cards, relaxing, ribs on the grill, then an NA meeting followed by another bonfire; more smore’s and grilled hot dogs. At 11:00pm all but 3 of us walked back to the medicine circle, it was on the top of a hill about a ¼ mile away, we laid down in the circle and believe it or not no one spoke a word for a good 10 to 15 minutes, kids included, I did a bit of guided mediation telling them to listen to the song of the wind, feel, hear and see, very spiritual, after that 6 of us had a 3rd step meeting. Monday morning I awoke to a chorus of birds singing above my tent, totally awesome. Once I got the coffee started and after I took a shower, I was able to do a short sitting mediation while the rest gathered in a cabin to shoot the breeze, after the mediation I unfolded my sore legs, the hiking took it’s toll on my out of shape muscles, stretched out and took in what was around me both the visual and the sounds, I was in awe by the cottonwood’s dancing leafs, by all appearances there was no breeze but when I glanced up at the cottonwood leafs sure enough they would be dancing while the leaves of the sumac, elm, and other leaves were still. I heard wild turkeys, cattle, and a multitude of birds and rustling, it was all very sensual and spiritual. After breakfast we packed up and headed home. I stopped at my dad’s headstone on the way home and gave him a bow and silent prayer, along with an AA old timer whose marker is a few rows away from dads.
The general consensus of the weekend was that it was a GREAT time. Four of the people where newcomers with less than a years sobriety and had never done anything like this sober before. They got a good dose of fellowship. Some of us just barely knew each before this weekend but we developed a strong bond. The loner chef was opened up and the last night there shared some honest misgivings about his sponsor and some people in recovery and was given some feedback that if he is willing to use will help him along his path. All of us that went were on the same path both spiritually and in recovery, we didn’t pound God or recovery down anyone’s throat, we lived recovery. We were ourselves, after a very short time all the pretensions and need to impress where laid aside because there was an air of trust. We all agree we would do more stuff together through out the summer. 7 of us have already planned to travel 4 hours north to participate in a weekend long campout and sober float down the biggest river in Nebraska. The Great Spirit smiled on us this weekend and we all know this walking out of that canyon better people. One of my sponsee’s made a strong connection with my niece, both are fairly new in recovery, on the way home we talked about it and how he wanted a strong relationship with her and understood how important it was to let things grow without messing it up with sex. I saw the bond happening but didn’t say anything, he talked to others before he talked to me; I think he was afraid of my reaction since his affection was for my niece. I told him I couldn’t stop him and talked about my own stuff, which is explained in the next paragraph. It was a great bonding time for my sponsee and me. My niece found a new sponsor in one of the women there, and I am so happy for her, the sponsor is solid in recovery and her sponsor is in my opinion the best female sponsor in our whole area.
I mentioned wanting to get to know one of the women better in an earlier post. Well we did, we have a lot in common, interest and spirituality. I was scared to death to ask her if she wanted to have supper sometime, even though we made great eye contact and sometime she would look at me when she was give her thoughts on a subject. This fear of rejection is so powerful sometimes it sucks!! Also the low self esteem, even though I have been told more than once I am an attractive man, I notice that I am not buff and muscular. I talked with a couple of guys just to express the fear. I also reflected back on step 3, know I had to trust my God, and understand that what ever the answer was it would be alright. I waited until the last moment and when she gave me a goodbye hug I whispered in her ear “would you like to have supper sometime” and she replied “sure, call me” well it wasn’t a gushing “yes I would love to” but it sure made my heart soar!!! I called her last night and got her voice mail, it was 8:30 or there about, she never called me back but I have to assume that she just never got a chance. See the self doubt creeping in again, she did say yes to supper and she is an honest enough person that if she didn’t want to she would have said a flat out sorry no thank you. This is another learning lesson for me, my freaking cravings are creating the suffering and I need to look the craving in the eye and say “hey you can’t mess with me like this” which I am working on. I see a whole other post opening up here so I will stop with this. I can take what I experienced in nature this weekend and apply it to my interest in this woman that the universe does as it will and that I am just a part of it and so is she, that what will happen will happen so I don’t need to fret about it.
Thanks for hanging in there on this journey!!!
