Tiny Messengers

Closer to Fine by the Indigo Girls

I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.


I posted a comment in which I said "I was just a tiny messenger" which lit the Muse's candle, so grab a cuppa because here we go camper's. The bit of lyric from highly under appreciated Indigo Girl's is about how we are always searching for deep meaning while in reality it is the simple less complicated and tiny messages and messengers that can have a strong impact on my life. Yes I can name a dozen or so big name's but for the most part is is less known that effect me the most.

As you all know I am in constant contact with newcomers via my job. These beautiful people are raw, damaged and beaten, not only from alcoholism and addiction but also from abuse, low self esteem, grief, depression, some mental disorders, anti-social behaviors and other things, alcohol and drugs where but a symptom of a much greater problem. Because of this I have to stay as spiritually fit as possible. I am a "tiny messenger for the Grace of a Greater Source".

As a messenger, I need to be open to and always on the look out for messages I can hear that can be translated to others. I have my Big Book, 12 and 12, other GSO books, I have spiritual books most of them are Buddhist in topic but not all, I have my sponsor, the wonderful people at the meetings past and present and then I have you all.

For me there is no "I or Self" not that I remember this all the time, there is still an ego in my psyche who wants to be acknowledged for the things I say and do, thus taking credit. The Big Book is all about WE, the Promises say WE. So it is not I who will receive the promises, it is we. The reason I am using the promises as an example is because this Sunday for Spirituality group I used them as a teaching tool about regaining Spiritual Health. When we share our experience, strength and hope with others, we get better, our lives get better and we get spiritually healthy and the promises come true for us.

All of the promises are important to understand but for our clients the hope lies in mainly in the following promises; knowing a new freedom and happiness, not regretting the past nor wishing to shut the door on it, comprehending serenity and knowing peace, the feeling of uselessness and self pity disappearing, fear of people leaving us, realizing that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. If I was to talk about the promises has they apply to my life only, I would maybe touch 2 in 20 somewhat completely due to similar backgrounds and scratch the surface of acknowledgement with others. When I use the collective We of experiences I can touch the hearts of all those who are willing to listen because it isn't about Scott and those who can relate to Scott, it is much larger and has larger appeal. The We breaks down the uniqueness, when I relate your experiences with alcoholism/addiction, your experiences with recovery, this tiny messenger is able translate better how universal the problem and the solution are.

Something I didn't understand that much about as an average member of AA was the abuse suffered by women and PTSD. As a single parent I understand the shame from neglecting children which effects women greater than most men, women tend to be the main person in a child's life due to the role of being a mother, although once you crack the surface most guy's do feel shame for leaving their children to be raised my the child's mother but they generally don't have the shame for daily neglect that women and single parents do. PTSD, sexual, physical and mental abuse are things I have very little personal experiences with, I did suffer some abuse as a child and PTSD from my life in the military but it isn't combat related. It is via the WE that I am able to carry the message of hope to those who suffer from these forms of abuse and PTSD. It is the Grace of my God that has allowed me to be open and be aware when I hear people at meetings talk about these things thus allowing me to share the experience of that person in the 3rd person way that may assist someone who was not at that meeting. You my wonderful and honest blogger friends are another source of knowledge, I pass on your experience, strength and hope too. I have a deep compassion for the suffers of these wounds, I feel that if they can't acknowledge them and accept them their chances for recovery is lessened. Along with the counselor's, we as tiny messengers for the Greater Source/God, have the chance to change lives. Never assume that when you share about your sufferings either verbally or in writing is in vain because we never know where the Higher Power may have a need for those words. Not all our clients attend AA/NA meetings on a regular bases, it isn't a requirement that they attend meetings outside the treatment center just highly suggested, so they hear the voices of other members echoed in what I and other recovering tech's share.

When I returned to recovery I battled understanding my usefulness to God and to others. I battled understanding and accepting that I am who I am because this is the way my God made me. I didn't want to be me, I wanted to be the studly confident guy who could easily converse with other's, make jokes and have everybody love him. I couldn't accept my role in being the reserved, insightful person who choices his words carefully, who lacks the bullshit gene, who to this day still prefers small groups of laid back people to large noisy crowds. My sponsor and I had a lot of talks about Scott learning to love Scott for who he was and what his God made him to be. Today almost 3 years later, I understand my role as a tiny messenger, what I originally thought where liabilities where in reality my greatest assets. This all goes to prove once again I have no business questioning the work of God. I use the tools given me to improve my conscious contact with my God, tools that require awareness and action on my part but when I doubt my God I need to be silent and realize I don't know the big picture of what God is doing in my life and the life of others.

We are never alone folks, there is no individual One. We are all One, one people in the service of each another and the Greater Source, I am you and you are me and we are all together. Another comment I posted was about if I could be any animal my first choice would be a dolphin, I love dolphin's, I blame this on Flipper, dolphin's for the most part swim the ocean in complete peace and serenity, they are happy and joyous beings, they have compassion, they are aggressive when they need to protect others, they are wonderfully social creatures, I feel they understand the WE more than most human beings do, they seem to accept this with grace. I am not ashamed to say that being dolphin like is a standard that I as a human being would like to work on obtaining. Maybe dolphin's are tiny messenger's from our God too??

Well I need to get myself and the pup some supper. I hope all is well with everyone, that we are all accepting life and our God's terms to the best of our abilities at this particular time in the web.

Peace Love and Light to all!
Scott