Made it home

Well as you can guess I am home and alive after almost 3 wonderful full days in Kearney. My daughter started a new job this morning at a restaurant that specializes in eggs, so her and my Angel where up and out of the house by 7:30, which was good because nobody had a chance to be sad about my leaving. I went over to mom's after I got my stuff together then stopped at my sponsor's house on the way back. My sponsor is a counselor at a halfway house 45 minutes east of Kearney, God worked it out that he didn't have to be at work today until 2:00pm so I was able to stop and visit with him on the way home, been a while since we have had a face to face talk. It was great to see him, since he is a counselor and I work in the treatment center we have a lot more in common now than before, along with his valuable guidance in my recovery, he now can help me at work when I get a bit frustrated or question why things are the way they are. He doesn't always agree with the system either but both of us accept it. He thought my using the Big Book for groups is both interesting and great and said he needs to investigate the process more himself in case he has to go more groups and less one on one, yeah it made me feel good. It is cool just to talk about how treatment centers and counseling and different counselors work.

The weather was great for the drive home about 60 degrees and sunny. I was observing how much corn and beans have been harvested and it appears the further west you go the farther behind they are, more rain and early snow in the western part of the state. From what I have been told a lot of the corn is still very moist so they have to dry it and then wait before the next loads can be combined and hauled to the elevators to be loaded on trains and shipped out. My aunt told me a lot of the soybeans in the western part of the state were destroyed by the early snow, what happened was the bean pods where hanging open and the wet snow forced them to the ground and the beans came out the pods, so they are in the soil and can't be harvested. Farmer's have insurance for things like this but it still bites big time, since part of being a farmer is taking pride in your harvest yield.

Yesterday I finished some unfinished business in Kearney. Had lunch with a good friend and some times spiritual advisor in recovery, he is an Episcopal pastor. We had a great visit, he is also the sponsor of a close friend of mine who is doing 12 months in county jail for assault charges, my friend was in a toxic relationship and in a fit of rage and jealousy smacked a guy with a tire iron, my friend has finally ended the relationship we hope anyway. My friend is on work release from jail so his sponsor is taking to and from work, which is a God thing since I am not sure how my friend in jail would be handling things other wise. I had coffee with a couple of other close friends last night which was great. Also last night I went and visited with N for a while, she is doing alright. It was a good thing our relationship never got stronger, one neither one of us could have afforded a long distance relationship, too much money spent on gas and stuff, also she is having issues with her kids and doing things I don't approve of and like I told my sponsor I would have eventually voiced my concerns and displeasure which would have cause some problems. Things have gotten worse since school has started, part of the trouble is N is not home a lot, she is leaving the older 2 at home and taking the younger one with her, N has a hard time finding balance plus just staying at home learning to live in recovery, going to Bible studies and recovery meetings and such is good up to the point where your family life is getting messed up, there is still a lot of residue left from her years of using and not being there. She has given up on her 13 year old daughter and sent her to live with her mom in and other town, I feel really sad for her daughter who I am close to. Yeah man being powerless over others sucks big time. N and I are still good friends but the distance has taken it's toll, I don't think she was intentional using me but I did give her a lot of help for a few months, plus she is hanging out with some people in recovery who aren't very tolerant of Buddhist and other non-Christians, we are going to Hell don'tcha know. I am alright with all of this and moving on, there are new horizon's ahead, more interesting women to meet, new smells, new site's and life to be live as it comes and goes. I also made a surprise visit to my old Sunday morning meetings, lots of hugs and good recovery! Forgot to add this earlier in the paragraph, so yeah it is totally out of context.



O.K. now for what you have all been waiting for!!! Of course I had a great time with Angel and a nice comfortable stay at my daughter's house. Angel loved having grandpa around and also grandpa's puppy. She is starting to thin out just a bit now that she is walking all over. She chatters when she is in the mood also, still no clear words though, she is 16 months old. Little stink is very smart and inquisitive. Yesterday I went to a thrift store and bought my daughter some cooking utensils, she didn't have much which drove me nuts, I also bought some measuring cups, Angel grab the cups, spoon and pancake spatula and started mixing and imagined eating what she was cooking, it was really cute but I was surprised at her age she understood about the utensils and cooking, maybe she has seen this at daycare. Angel and I pretty much hung out together the whole time I was there, I took her with me for coffee, she had a strawberry muffin. Speaking of which the child is a bottomless pit and in a cute but sad way, quite the little mooch when someone has food. I was starting to get sad yesterday when I thought about heading back down here but it is better for them in the long run with me here. I can't enable my daughter that much from a distance and she can't run to daddy for a quick babysitter or a bit of money for gas or diapers. I did spend a bit on her but not too much since I just don't have the funds, I bought Angel a couple of toys at the thrift shop and a few new clothes that where on sale at WalMart, you know cause that's what grandparents are for. I am really proud of how my daughter who at 18 is raising Angel, now this isn't really bragging but Angel is a very content and well behaved baby, when I say no she stops what she is doing, oh yeah she gets mad as the dickens when you take something she is interested in away from her, she loved my toothbrush and I let her brush her teeth with it for a while then took it away and boy did she let grandpa no that wasn't cool.

Those of you with grown kids will get a kick out of this and those of you with young ones this is a fore warning of things to come. I get to my daughters house on Saturday, she has no furniture in the living room or kitchen, she has the TV in the bedroom, so the sofa I got from a friend here was a really good thing and my daughter even liked the pattern. I was planning on making supper for us but guess what, first I had to do her dishes. Yeah dad is once again doing dishes for daughter, she has left the house where I did the dishes a majority of the time and then I get to her house and since she has only a small amount of cooking stuff I have to do them again so I can cook. I wasn't mad, actually very amused, one of those some things really hasn't changed much. My daughter did keep up the dishes for the rest of my stay though. I went over to my mom's and borrowed a folding table and a couple of lawn chairs so there was something to sit on besides the sofa and also a place for me to sit my coffee cup on while I watched Angel eat.

My mom is doing alright. She was very surprised and tickled with the party. Not many there but enough family and friends to make her happy. We had a couple of really nice visits and I will try and make it back down next month. I am going to ask if I can work Christmas morning that way I can be off at 3:00pm and still be able to spend a bit of Christmas with her, my daughter and Angel. I am not a huge Christmas fan but do go out of my way to make my mom, daughter and now Angel happy, so I will do what I can be spend at least a few hours with them.

None what I just wrote about would have been possible 3 years ago, I was in my last weeks of drinking unbeknown to me. So thank you AA, thank you God who is personal to me, thank you to a wonderful sponsor, thank you to all my dear friends in recovery who have shared their love, experience, strength and hope with me. Life is good campers and will stay that way as long as I do what is good for me, do the footwork, trust God, get out of self, learn from my mistakes with a smile on my face, reach out to the newcomer or any sick alcoholic/addict when I see they need a word or two or maybe just be silent and listen.

My pup loved the trip but now is happy to be home and is curled up on her favorite pillow, I on the other hand I am going to take a hot bath and get ready for my home group meeting tonight. One of the girls from work who is a non-alcoholic is going to meet me at the meeting, she wants to learn more about recovery and since we have built up a friendship she has asked if she can go to one with me, she is one a few that wants to really help the clients by understanding the recovery process, so I am gladly meeting her. Also if you haven't seen them my last post is of my beautiful Angel.

Peace Love and Light to all,
Scott