Coffee , smokes and Monday morning reflections

Hey All.

Here is how it went at the treatment center the last few days. The discussion on selfishness went really well, we covered a lot of areas, anger at those who we feel have just done something wrong in general, relationships, abuse, death, counselors and treatment, etc. We talked about using spiritual practices to help become more aware of the selfishness and how over time we learn to identify it and not react so negatively and find balance. We talked about using spiritual practices in maintaining a balance in our daily lives over all. I read the 3rd step prayer and explained how using it first thing in the morning sets in our minds that the bondage of self is our biggest problem, that acknowledging this first thing in the morning has an effect that last through out the day and I tend to catch myself being selfish a lot quicker when I do this than when I don't. I received a pat on the back from a co-worker who has been working at the center for 10 months, he said it was good to have someone in recovery lead some of the groups and use the Big Book, he acknowledged that a lot of clients don't read the book and that by one of us in recovery using recovery literature it forces the clients to read what is good for them, this made me feel good.

Saturday we read the chapter Just for Today from the book Narcotics Anonymous. In my humble opinion this is the best chapter in the book. It talks a lot about HOW, honesty, open mindedness and willingness. It covers living in the moment, trusting the God of our understanding and also talks about the importance of fellowship and how we need to learn to develop close relationships with others in recovery, come to meetings early, stay afterwords and go to recovery get together's. One client said that she is in relapse mode when she stops doing these things and told the group that every time she has relapsed a big part of it was that she wasn't a part of the fellowship. I know fellowship isn't nearly as important as working steps and trusting a God but for people who isolate or need to get away from their old playmates it is an essential part in the early days.

Sunday we talked about acceptance after reading Acceptance is the Answer out of the Big Book. The clients wrote their list of things they like about themselves, things they don't like about themselves and things they can't accept or external troubles. The feedback or vibe I received from burning the later 2 list and saying a prayer was mixed. The negative vibes and side talk came from apathy, people who are still unwilling to accept spiritual assistance with their problems. The positive feedback was charged with understanding, relief and a sense of freedom. I have been playing non-gospel music with a spiritual theme running through the songs at different times during the group, I start the group with a song which gives us time to quiet our minds and then play a song while they are doing the writing, I wasn't certain how this was going over and found out the most liked it, so I will continue to use music in this group.

So it appears that God was working through me again in my work at the treatment center. I am humbled and amazed at the opportunity I have been given in working there, sometimes it is surreal also.

Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of my dad's death. On November 1st 2008 my mom, 2 sisters and I sat in a nursing home room while my dad was slowly dying in front of us. For those who don't know, my dad had chronic lung disease from years of working with asbestos. That day was one of the longest days of my life, I received the call at 5am from the home that dad was going and I had to give my permission for them to increase the morphine and make him as comfortable as possible. My dad was not conscience when my mom and I got to the home and never did gain conscienceness, we sat in the room comforting him and ourselves and dad transcended at around 3:30pm. I pressed my palms together bowed to my dad, said Namaste to him for the last time and gently touched his forehead in love. Yesterday morning prior to going to work I played John Lennon's In My Life in remembrance of him, shed some tears and did some reflections. I am grateful that my dad is in peace today, he no longer fights to breath, he no longer has to get angry due to dementia, no longer has to be angry because he is can't do the physical things he use to do and has to rely on others for help. Because I was graced with getting sober a couple of years prior to my fathers death I was able to make peace with him, I was able spend quality time with him, I was able to assist him and my mom in times when they couldn't do things for themselves, I had my licence back and drove dad's new car more than he every drove it. The time I spent with my father those last couple of years of his life are testaments of AA and living in recovery, oh yeah and what the God of my understanding has done in the life of this drunk. Those of us who have experienced the death of a loved one in recovery share about this when it is appropriate because I feel that death is one of the hardest things to go through sober, by being there through the terminal illness and death of a loved one show recovery programs really work and maybe it can help someone else when their time comes. Recovery has given me a lot of gifts, my loving relationship with my daughter and grandbaby, my healthy relationship with my mother, my freedom and many more things but I would have to say so far the greatest gift has been that my dad I where at peace with each other, that I was there for him physically and spiritually the last years of his life.

Well campers I hope everyone had a great weekend. My prayers have been going out to those of you who are having challenges in life, my prayers are for God's will to be done in your lives. Be gentle with yourselves, laugh when you can, cry if you must and trust the God of your understanding as best you in the moment at hand.

Peace Love and Light
Scott