Service work, Football, Keys to the Kingdom

Alright it has been a few days since I last pecked anything out and not much has really happened in that time but I am sure that once I get started I will find all kinds of things to talk about for your amusement and my greater awareness.

Lincoln has been a happening place the last week and weekend. The state fair was going on, it is the last one to be held in Lincoln, so a big deal was made of it, next year it is moving 100 miles west in hopes that more people from greater and rural Nebraska can attend. AA had a Public Information booth in the exibit hall, I volunteered to work a 10am-1pm and 3pm-7pm shifts a couple of days since my schedule allowed for it, I also went Friday and hung out with some guys from my old town sat at the booth visited then walked around the fair. The down side was we didn't have a banner saying who we were, only the books and pamplets on the table gave an indication as to what the booth was about, not sure if this was good or bad but my personal opinion is that a banner with Alcoholics Anonymous on it might have caught the eyes of more people. Working a PI booth is boring and interesting, "our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion" so you sit quietly behind the booth smile and greet people as they walk by. Every once in a while some one will stop, sometimes it is fellow members stopping to say hi and the others seem to be people who have a loved one suffering from alcoholism. The true alcoholic that needs help would probably prefer we weren't sitting there, so they could pick up or look over the pamplet without one of us asking if we can help them with any questions but the rules of the fair are that we have to have someone at the booth. I personally probably shared as much about Alanon as I did AA, wives and parents would stop by asking questions, I would share about how they were just as powerless over alcohol as the alcoholic, gave them any lit they wanted and also tell them how to contact Alanon and where to get Alanon literature. I said working the booth was boring but I don't mean that in a bad way, it is boring because we sit there for our 3-4 hours without much interaction with those passing by but this is a boredom that is rewarding. If our having a booth at the fair helps 1 suffering alcoholic or a family member then it is well worth our time to sit there, read and people watch. The attraction part comes because we don't stand by the table solicting people to look over the pamplets, books and other handouts, we are simply there for service, to carry the message, even though we know that probably at least 1 in 10 that walk by are in close contact with someone who suffers from alcoholism or drug addiction.

The other big event in Lincoln was on Saturday. Saturday was the start of football season, the mighty Nebraska Cornhuskers had their first game, let the insanity begin!! I enjoy Husker football, watch and listen to the games when I can but I am not obsessed with it. Obsession is a great word for how most people in Nebraska feel about the football team, everthing else in life takes second place come game day. Prior to the game there is constant talk about how well they might do, differant players, the oppent of the week, Friday most people wear red to work in support of the game the following day, tons for food and alcohol are bought Friday or Saturday for parties, people pool their money together for Pay Per View games, such as the one this weekend, people get very anxious, on facebook that was all that a few of my friends could talk about prior to kick off. Once the game is over and done with there is more game stuff, reviewing the players, the highs and lows, more alcohol drank and food consumed more facebook comments. I enjoy the game for what it is, a game, nothing more nothing less, at my old job I would take unhealthy pleasure in stating this to the fanactics, especially after a loss, just to get their blood boiling, it is how I feel but it is wrong of me to use this to cause others suffering. I wasn't raise with a sports fanatic, my dad liked sports but if there where other things to be done he would do them and not stop for a sporting event, even for his beloved baseball. I must also admit I am a bit of an anti-jock since I wasn't athletically inclined as a kid, part may have been my dad never playing sports with me, the other reason for this was it was the jocks and cheerleaders that would pick on me and abuse me as a kid, remember I was the gangly semi-intellectual kid who understood more about philisophy than sporting stat's or engine sizes. Alcohol became my fuel for beligerent individualism. To this day I have to pay close attention to my anti-jock defect for character, I can use this as an arrogant weapon against those I feel "mentally below me" because they prefer sports over the more important things in the world, see this is all a sick and selfish part of me that needs working on and football season is the perfect time for growth. I watched football at work on Saturday with a co-worker and a couple of clients and was trilled when BYU beat Oklahoma, so who am I to put others down for getting excited about just a game, I can yell and swear with the best of them when I team I don't care for is getting beat by a supposibly weaker opponent.

The treatment center is about a mile away from the football stadium, which on game day is the 3rd largest city in the state of Nebraska, after Omaha and Lincoln there are more people in the stadium than in any other place in Nebraska at one time. Kickoff for the game was at 6:00pm and I had to be at work by 3:00pm, I left a bit early cause I figured traffic might be an issue, it wasn't too bad. When I got to work, we share a building with the Native American center, parking spots at my building and around it on the grassy areas were being sold for $10.00, I was let in without paying. The building was surrounded by vehicles and tailgate parties, coolers full of beer and other alcoholic and maybe a few non-alcoholic beverages, small grills with bugers and bratwurst and all kinds of merriment. This isn't the best enviroment for 18 people who are just starting out on the road to recovery. Being Saturday they had a lot of free time, which means they could go outside and smoke, the smoking was limited to a small area but they could look at the tailgate parties from the patio. With the exception of a woman with a beer bong walking around it wasn't too crazy around the patio area. The clients where taking all this really well, they would look over at the parties but everyone stayed within bounds. I could smell the beer in the air and told the clients this so they know they weren't alone, I also made myself available to them in case someone started having cravings. In the late afternoon I stepped outside my boundaries as a tech and lead a Big Book study, we read the story "The Keys to the Kingdom", after the reading I opened it up for discussion, this was a non treatment documented group so I wasn't taking notes and the client were aware of this. Most of the clients that shared identified with the drinking and depression the author talked about, after I got as much as I could out of the clients that wanted to share, I talked about the importance of the authors message, "AA is not a plan for recovery that can be finished and done with. It is a way of life, and the challenge contained in its principles is great enough to keep any human being striving for as long as he lives", the author also talks about highs and lows and living sober through them, she talks about miracles, she talks about the "retrogressive groove" the groove that can mean death to an alcoholic if one stays in it too long. I talked to them about life and death, about watching people who have been in recovery die from alcoholism and about others who have faced great tragedy but didn't pick up a drink and walked through the tragedy with the strength of the fellowship, something else the author talks about our Fellowship, "born out of mutual pain and despair, and later through mutual objectives adn new found faith and hope". Like always I don't know if I effected any client in a great way, what I do know is it helped me stay sober, it got me out of myself, it re-emphasised my belief in AA and the fellowship because I truly believe in the words she wrote but I have to live them. I can no more get in a retrogressive groove than the next person. Yes I need to share the message with newcomers, but I also have to have those meetings where I sit and listen to the words of those who have been living this life longer than me, to seek their experience, strength and hope, to take their suggestions because they have been where I am at in my life to a greater or lesser degree, to seek the wisdom born out of mutual suffering and new found faith.

One last thing about clients. I have been blessed to share with them that alcohol and drugs are only a symtom of a larger problem. I had a wonderful discussion last night with a few of clients who are waking up to this fact. Who are understanding that even with the alcohol and drugs removed they still have these huge defects of character and that treatment is about more than getting off drugs and alcohol, which is what they thought treatment was about prior to coming. It is a joy to watch the light come on in these people, when they start to become aware that they need to work on selfishness, honesty, fear, shame and the rest, when they start to understand they need a God of their understanding in their lives. This is the grace of God in their lives and mine and I am thankful I am able to share it with them.

Oh yeah here is a teaser for you for my next post since this one is already my usually long ramble. My daughter and her boyfriend have decided they want to have a baby, needless to say dad isn't happy about this but I am powerless over them, so they are in God's hands and so is my granddaughter. I have more thoughts on this and need to process them with a friend or sponsor before I write them out, nothing bad but I am not really sure what all my feelings about this are yet.

Until next time,
Peace Love and Light
Scott