Powerless over something other than alcohol

I love my daughter as much as the next parent does and I want the best for her but I am powerless over her and her decisions! She called tonight to tell me about a comedian she was watching that was really funny, think she just really need to hear her old mans voice. She told me she was going for an ultrasound in a few weeks so the truth is out and she is pregnant. For those who may be reading me for the first time, my daughter is 18 years old with a 14 month old baby. The father to my granddaughter is in a boys home in Omaha, he is a an alcoholic and addict but I really don't know if he trying to stay clean and sober or not. With any luck he will go to a men's halfway house for an extended period of time so that he can learn some of life's lessons about responsibility in a strong environment, but that is my wish, God may have other plans for him. The father of the child growing inside my daughter has been with my daughter since around February. For the most part he is a decent enough kid, ease to talk to and respectful, but and here I go with the parent thing, he isn't overly ambitious from what I can tell, gets sick a lot and isn't the most responsible kid there is, plus out of arrogance I will add he isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer either. At 19, boyfriend's age, I was emotionally immature and at 46 I still have a long way to go, I was a financial moron, still can be, but I had work ethics, even as a budding alcoholic. Maybe it is my generation or the generation of my dad who pound work ethics into my skull about holding a steady job and "cowboy up" was how you dealt with being sick, you had to be almost on deaths bed before you called in sick. The meaning of Cowboy Up is that if you get bucked off a horse or hurt working cattle you don't whine or complain, you get back on the horse or back to working cattle, you can nurse your wounds once the job is done for the day and yes some of that nursing comes in a brown bottle. This may sound harsh to some and yes men and women who believe like I do have probably gone to work when we should have stayed home and rested, probably would have helped the healing process better or kept us out of hospital because we waited too long to see a doctor. I know my thinking isn't correct on thinking the kid should be a better worker and stop whining and missing job because he gets sick a lot, maybe the sickness is legitimate but I have a prejudice towards young people who are always sick, who appear healthy, who have no problems staying home when they are sick and playing video games or watching the tube, who can still go out with their friends on weekends, don't know which character defect this is but I have it. My ex was a hypochondriac and so are different members of my family so once again I have a prejudice here. The boyfriend does have a job now, working at a fast food joint but is off work due to being sick so I am not comfortable he will be able to keep this job. On the plus side the kid isn't a raging drunk or druggie, even though he does drink and smoke pot and has been in treatment as a youth, he is good with my granddaughter and she love him. My daughter also loves the guy even though they fight a lot, something I can't figure out, how can 2 people who fight quite a bit think they can have a long term relationship.

My concern for my daughter is like all parents. We want the best for our kids. We want them to be happy and secure. We want them to have some measure of success. My daughter said she is looking into starting her college general education classes at a local community college which is good thing, then going on to get a degree in adolescent counseling so she can counsel young people who were just like her, a noble thing to do. Being the wise old fart that I am, I can't help but be concerned over how she plans to accomplish all this with 2 little kids. Maybe to her and her generation having 2 kids in daycare isn't that big of a deal. My granddaughter was an accident although a beautiful one and the apple of my eye but to intentionally get pregnant again just doesn't make sense to me. Plus I don't feel the relationship is strong enough for them to have a child together. My daughter is a good mother to my granddaughter for being only 18, she doesn't drop her off at friends house so she can party, I don't think my daughter parties much anymore either. My daughter is a loving and caring mother also. My daughter also lives in fantasy land in a lot of ways and is every bit of 18 and immature, she has yet to have an electric bill in her name so that she can really understand the importance of not having unnecessary lights on.

So this is where I am at with my daughter and her boyfriend. God gave me this new job in Lincoln for a reason other than helping people new to recovery. It has allowed me to move 2 hours away from my daughter so that she can live her own life without me seeing it too closely. I am close enough to enable her if I choice to but so far other than paying their first months rent and some gas money I haven't. They have to figure things out on their own and what dad doesn't see doesn't cause dad undue stress or anxiety. I am powerless over my daughter and her boyfriend, they are in the hands of the God of my understanding. For the most part I am good at letting this go but the parent in me still has concerns. I guess it all comes back to the old acceptance bit, we have to accept the situation but not necessarily like it. I know what I want God to do for them but that would be a short measure on them learning life's lessons. The best I can do is one, stay sober above everything else because if I start drinking again I am worthless not mention I will probably end up unavailable via prison or death or worse, second I can be here for my daughter with emotional and spiritual support. I can give her guidance but I can't make her accept it. I can be available for my granddaughter if anything bad happens. I have friends in my old town who my daughter talks to and they keep me posted.

Working the 12 steps and living in recovery isn't just about staying sober. It is about living my life as it is right now. It is about using the spiritual tools I have been given in all situations of my life, whether it be my daughter, my mom or my personal relationships. The program of recovery has shown me how to live a life of peace and serenity. Suffering happens but I have a choice on how I deal with that suffering, either I can dwell in it, staying ever sicker, or I can accept it and walk the balanced middle path where serenity and peace live and breathe. I can't say I choose the middle path all the time, I have my share of fears, selfishness and emotional upsets, but thanks to meetings, literature, people in recovery, my blogger friends and above all my spiritual connection with my Higher Power, who I choice to call the Dharma, I don't stay in the suffering for too many hours. Just by writing this post out I understand more than I did before, I understand more about my prejudice, I see some parallels, I see me not wanting my daughter and her boyfriend to make the same mistakes I did, but maybe they will be faster learners than I was, maybe their collective brains haven't been as damage as mine was when I woke up to my mistakes and changed my path. I know that God is with them on this path and with me. I know that we both have a wonderful fellowship of recovering alcoholics and addicts to help us along. We are bless a lot more than others who may be going through the same living events, so even in being discouraged I have something to be grateful for.

Peace Love and Light
Scott