Language of the Heart

First off don't buy a chocolate cream pie from the bakery at WalMart they really suck, stick with the Mrs.Smith frozen ones!!!

My group discussion went really well last night, one of the techs in recovery complimented me on doing a good job, he has over 20 years in recovery so this made me feel really good. The clients gave really good examples of suffering and when I asked them how many of these could result in anger they said everyone. I talked about desire and about the "I want" explaination of desire. I then read the Big Book passages but then I was momentarily stumped, I really hadn't thought about how I was going to work this into a deeper discussion, I am too use to meeting where people just pick up on this and start talking, the silence I felt was shocking for a brief few seconds. The promise of God doing for me what I can't do for myself via prayer and mediation kicked in and I started sharing about me and my recovery. I shared a bit about death, how my wants caused suffering and anger. I talked about my ex wifes suicide and how it effected me in my drinking years and how I have learned to accept it in recovery and how it can still make me angry on occasion. Then I started talking about expectations and how they effect me and alcoholics and addicts in general. We have one young client who is struggling a bit with wanting things NOW, I used her as an example of placing too high of expectations on ones self, I also told the clients how I had placed pretty high expectations of leading this discussion on myself much more than any expectations they may have of me. I told them I am my worst enemy when it comes to expectations. how failed expectations can lead to self anger. I shared a lot more about prayer, mediation and spirituality than I had planned. Once again God stepped in because the language of the heart took over. I read pages 86 and 87 and explained how it works in my life and those of others I know. I talked to them about how simple it can be, to not over complecate pray and mediation, about how I have learned to simply stop doing what I am doing and focus on my breathing. I also talked to them about focusing on the task at hand, whether that is reading, drinnking a beverage, doing a chore or as bad as it seems even smoking a cigarette. I shared that when my mind is racing I can stop the racing by stopping and focusing on the here and now. I emphasised over and over that it takes practice but in time we become aware of how to handle things. I shared about how important pray is first thing in the morning because it puts our minds on a positive plain, our focus on doing the right thing. I read the 3rd step prayer and explained how I use the part about removing the bondage of self as part of my morning prayer because "self" is the enemy in dealing with others and also contributes to my lack of serenity, self will run riot. I also shared about the first pray most of us say, the one said when we are in trouble, trouble cause by alcohol or drugs, "God Help Me" I shared about how I had said this laying in a jail cell and from this prayer came the decision to enter a treatment facility. I explained again how their Higher Power could be what ever it needs to be and that it will grow, how a lot of the time God's voice comes to me in the rooms of recovery so sometimes my Higher Power is very much a meeting that I needed to attend. There wasn't a lot of feedback but I did have everyones attention and I could tell by their expressions and body language they were listening. God was good to me because I faced a fear and handled it with It's help.

What I did yesterday did not come from me! It came from God, it came from a good sponsor, it came from Bill W and his divine books Alcoholics Anonymous and The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, it came from the people I have met and heard speak in the meetings of AA and NA, it came from my blogger friends, all of these contibute to being able to speak the language of the Heart. I am grateful for each and everyone. I hope I planted a seed or 2, I know I didn't drink yesterday and that is a miracle.

Peace Love and Light
Scott