Thoughts on Inner Child

Hey all, seems like time is really flying along, one day it was sandals and t-shirts the next it is boots and jacket, plus holidays fast approaching.

A couple of you have been blogging about the "inner child" which is an odd coincidence because this summer I bought a book by Thich Nhat Hanh called "Reconciliation, healing the inner child". Even though I feel comfortable and forgiving about the circumstances in which I was raised; lack of emotional stimulation and affection, mental and physical abuse, I thought there maybe more I needed to look at, plus Thich always has some great nuggets for better awareness practice. Here is a passage from the book I really like,

"I wouldn't want to send my friends and children to a place where there's no suffering, because in such a place they'd have no opportunity to learn to cultivate understanding and compassion. The Buddha said if we haven't suffered, there's no way we can learn. If the Buddha arrived at full enlightenment, it's because he suffered a lot. We have to come to the Buddha with all our suffering. Suffering is the path. It's through our suffering that we can see the path of enlightenment, compassion and love. It's by looking deeply into the nature of sorrow, our pain, our suffering, that we can discover the way out. If we don't know what suffering is, there's no way we can go to the Buddha, and we'll have no chance to touch peace, to touch love. It is exactly because we have suffered that now we have an opportunity to recognize the path leading to liberation, love and understanding."

Please translate the part about going to the Buddha into what ever makes sense to you. I feel this passage really puts suffering into perspective. Whether I am suffering from the effects of my youth, my alcoholism/addiction, relationship problems, character defects or life on life's term's . It is through suffering I have the opportunity to grow, to learn to better love, show better compassion and understanding.

I have accepted my parents as being the way there were because they were effected by there parents and ancestors, I have to learn to recognize that how I treat my daughter and my grand kids is a reflection of my ancestors as well but in recognizing this I can break the chain of wrongful parenting and suffering.

The kicker is the emotional wounds from others who abused me growing up haven't healed. It is seeing others who remind me of the abuses of my youth which cause my inner child to resurface.

As a kid I was bullied a lot, some by jocks and some by older kids who in hindsight were probably dealing with their own insecurities so they picked on scrawny younger kids. The jocks were the verbal bullies, always saying how big of wuss you were, laughing at your awkwardness and lack of coordination, intimidating you during the ugly and mandatory P.E classes. Side note; I went to a school were the whole population of 7th thru 12th grade was under 150 students, the few kids who were not socially accepted were shunned and picked on, it was worse for boys than girls because boys were expected to play sports all 6 years whether you were good or not. I didn't play sports, I don't have an athletic bone in my body, nor was I ever big enough physically. I could read and comprehend what I read, find insight in literature and the arts, understood and had compassion for social and environment injustices but that didn't count for anything as far as how you were treated by your peers. Most of my friends turned to alcohol and drugs as a means to be a somebody, to feel comfortable in our own skin, some out grew this others like me are alcoholic/addicts.

At work the welders are like the bullies of the plant, they are led by a guy I suspect was an ex-jock. They pick on the non-Caucasians and anyone who doesn't fit into their neat little box of what a man working in a manufacturing plant should be like. Most of this talk is behind backs but of course but it isn't hard to figure out these guys have contempt for people who aren't like them, it is in their attitudes and how they interact with others. They sit in the break room and are loud and obnoxious, make derogatory/vulgar remarks about different races, religions, homosexuals, Democrats and anyone else they dislike.

I have had a few run ins with the welders this week, mainly the leader of the clique. I really dislike these guys and have a lot of contempt for them. The run ins have made me reflect on why have such contempt and dislike. Enter the inner child. The inner child is comparing these grown men to the guys who use to mess with me as a kid, he doesn't fear any physical violence but fears not being able to counter their smart ass remarks with strong enough words to shut them up, remember I suck at quick and witty responses and dislike overly aggressive people. So how does the inner child deal with these people? He displays a sense of arrogance, he displays aloofness and he keeps his contact with them as limited as possible. Now maybe to some people this isn't a bad thing but for someone trying to live a principled life it is.

I need to acknowledge how my sick actions effect my ability to show love, kindness and compassion to all people. The Dalai Lama says the hardest people to show loving kindness and compassion to are our enemies, oh how true this is. I am no better that the bullies when I use intellect as a weapon of superiority. My talents are more cranial than physical but this doesn't make me better than them, yet in my arrogance I think it does and I put off an air to let them know so.

Thich's words are helping me understand how the inner child surfaces in different areas of my life, how the hurt little boy still wants protection. He is also teaching me how to heal the wounds and comfort the little boy, to speak to him and tell him the wrongs of the past can't hurt him now. Thich also keeps reiterating the linage of wrongs we all carry, that sickness is pasted on generation to generation and how we need to end the suffering by showing others loving kindness and compassion whether they return it or not. He talks about how to deal with being hurt by someone close to us and how to get rid of the resentments. I know this sounds a lot like the passage on acceptance from the Big Book, but Thich is going a bit deeper. What I need to do is try my best on a daily bases to work on loving kindness and compassion, especially towards those who remind me of the people who hurt the inner child. I have to be aware of how my inner child will react with bitter cruelty to any who see it sees as a threat. If people dislike me it is probably because my actions effect the inner child in them, maybe they were jealous of the kids who were smarter than them, who think outside the box, who experience life more fully because they are not afraid of people who are different than them, or things which are foreign and new. We may not wish to be like each other but maybe the fears which cause our actions come from the same place? I read this book during my lunch break, so some of the words smack me right between the eyes, which is sometimes the best way for me to take an honest look at my thoughts and actions, plus keeps everything in perspective when my mind starts going places it shouldn't since running the machine can get very boring, just focus on breathing, moment at hand, use breathing exercise based on loving kindness, compassion, getting rid of self.

Anyway those are me thoughts. I hope all are doing well. I am happy to read how some of my friends are accepting life on life's terms, your words help keep me grounded and also make me smile. Love you all!

Peace Love Light and a special Namaste

Scott