10 Honest Things about Me

Monica at http://nebuddhist.blogspot.com/ posted her 10 honest things so I am passing it on, some of this I have been thinking about posting anyway so now is a good opportunity to get them out on cyber paper.

10 Honest Things about me

1) I smoke way too much, drink too much coffee and eat too much meat and not enough fruits and vegetables, oh yeah I am addicted to salt, no wonder I am on high blood pressure medicine.
2) I have a hard time with childish behavior, in fact childish behavior in others pisses me off, I can’t stomach stupid comedies, belching or flatulence out loud and joked about, giggling at sexually innuendo’s, childish sexual remarks in general.
3) I hate profanity or vulgar language used for the sake of just saying “bad words” I can swear with the best of them but when I swear it is in context or to make a point that otherwise couldn’t be made, I suppose this is hypocritical thinking but that’s me.
4) In response to #’s 2 and 3, I take myself too damn seriously and have to keep in mind rule #62 “Don’t take yourself too damn Seriously!!” work on it, work on it, work on it.
5) I have been given the gift of insight but am learning when to share it and when to not, daily awareness through Dharma practice.
6) Sometimes I want to smack people upside the head with a reality stick but know they have to live in their own ignorance and suffering, just hope which they would hurry up and wake up so they can live in inner peace.
7) I have an ego problem, my self centeredness causes me to take others inventories too often, working on this but it is slow progress
8) I love animals and am in harmony with them sometimes more so than humans
9) I am quite comfortable being alone but know I can’t isolate, isolation is dangerous for this ex drunk, I need to interact with people on a regular bases, 1 it keeps my ego in check, 2 when I am with others in recovery it reminds me of where I came from, 3 it provides reassurance that my path even though it may be the one less traveled is best path for me to travel on.
10) I still have a hard time with compassion and interdependence towards all, my sick human side still wants revenge against people I consider evil doers, still can’t be 100% pacifistic, I have to constantly tell my self when I am judging others by their appearance, attitudes, social stanches that we are all One dependent upon each other, that we are connected by the air we breath, our chemical make up and our need for love and security. A am working on overcoming my intolerance of Fundamentalist religions, especially the Christians whose loud mouths are covered 24/7 by the media and who have infiltrated society even in places that use to be completely non-bias.
11) O.k. I added one, I don’t know how to flirt and can’t tell the difference between flirting and just simple friendship and basic kindness from someone of the opposite sex especially if I am a bit attracted to them, try as I might to not care about finding a companion I still try to figure things out, when a pretty lady is giving me a bit of her attention, this is a damn hard one to overcome/mature/learn about.

I have some work to do but I try and chip away at the defects of character as best I can, some days I am sick and love to roll in the manure of my sick judgmental behaviors but most of the time my conscience/awareness stops me before I get carried away. Every morning I take a few minutes for prayer and calm mediation, I give thanks for still being sober and alive, I seek awareness of my selfish nature and the ability to counter it using the Eight Fold Path, several times a day I step outside and listen intensely to the sounds of nature, animals and the wind. Be doing these things I stay fairly calm and get excited about life’s happenings and others defects less often.
The above list seems to be mostly about the negative so here is a short positive list; when asked I help others out if at all possible, answer the phone no matter what time it is, I give back to recovery what was freely given to me, I stay positive most of the time and smile, I am friendly without having to think about it, my granddaughter thinks I am the greatest and my daughter loves and respects me again, it is becoming easier to practice being humble and I keep my mouth shut more often, I am on longer a social burden. I don’t gossip and what is said to me stays with me, except is in recovery I seek the advise sometimes from trusted older members.