Channeling Gratitude

O.k. so may serenity has been on a roller coaster ride this week. The 1o hour days, 6 days a week work gig is messing with some serious ME time. I have been doing training with the machine operators on day shift, they are the pro's, so I have been going to work at 1:00pm to learn stuff from them the guy who trained me doesn't know, get off at 11:30pm. It must be psychological but for some reason working this shift is harder on me than the 4:30pm to 3:00am shift. I get up at 10am but lack energy and it seems before I know it I have to head to work again, no time to go over to mom's or anything, I am going to bed around 1:30am. With the other shift, I go to bed around 4:30am and am up by noon most days, which gives me a bit of time to do errands. For what ever reason, this different work schedule is kicking my butt.

I still have stuff to do in North Platte at mom's house; get stuff from the shed moved down here, odd ball yard work, want to stain the front deck, move rocks. I have some shuffling of stuff to do in my own shed also to make room for the stuff from mom's, garden to work on, spend time with dog. I haven't spent much time with Angel, Mich or Carter in 2 weeks either. So it would be nice to have a Saturday off, but from the sounds of things this isn't going to happen until maybe, just maybe Memorial day weekend. So yeah I have I am kind of bummed about the lack of me time.

There were a couple of times this week when I was actually pissed off about the whole no time on weekend thing. I would look at the work to do, which wasn't much because we are staying ahead and wonder why in the hell are we working weekends? Big picture is, there are quite a few customer orders on the books and they don't want to get behind on them, the rational side of my understands this, the selfish side is giving them the middle finger.

The last few chapters in the book I am reading have been about focusing on impermanence, seeing our frustrations for what they are and moving on, focusing on the moment at hand and staying out of the future. If you have ever read anything by Thich Nhat Hanh you know he puts a lot of emphasis on breathing and being our minds back to this moment, smiling and finding the inter peace within. The readings have given me the reminders I have needed to practice awareness, awareness needed to keep the frustration and anger from getting out of hand, they only ruin a few minutes off and on of the day and not the whole day. So the real perspective and gratitude is;

• I will get a chance to move my stuff down, the house just went on the market.
• After my morning meeting tomorrow, Sunday, I am picking up Angel and she can hang out with me, whether it is going shopping, going to mom's, working around the house. The main thing is we will be spending time together.
• Next Sunday after the meeting I will head to North Platte, to mow, load up the vehicle and do what I can.
• I can alternated my Sundays between Kearney and North Platte.
• I will be back working 4:30pm to 3:00am in another week.
• Prior to March 14th I didn't have a job, thus no income and was borrowing money to keep my bills paid.
• I need to allow myself time to rest, important, I shouldn't beat myself up by not getting everything done at once, I am the only one applying pressure on me.
• I have sent 2 resumes out, so still doing footwork on finding a job which will stabilize my hours.
• I am not money hungry, a lot of people stress and suffer over the want of making big bucks, I am at peace making enough to live on plus a tad extra for some wants, like a new cd, camping gear, stuff for the kids or Mich.
• The dog is happy to spend the time we have together, the extra is a bonus, plus I am more prone to taking her with me in the car now just so she is getting her share of daddy time.
• Through all this, I have not craved a drink nor played around with a notion of one. It is awesome to want a cold bottle of water or root beer when I get home from work.
• I am close to mom and the kids, both are within minutes drive time.
• My home group is on Sunday mornings, so I am not substituting another meeting for it.
• I am healthy, have my sore wrist and shoulder but nothing major.
• My bills are paid.
• My family is healthy.
• I have 2 vehicles so if one is down, like my Honda is now, I have a back up until I can get the time to repair the other.
• I am back living in the community of my choice, place where I feel most at home.
• I have worked long hours and long weeks before, they didn't kill me then and won't now.
• Getting fired was a blessing in disguise, I know this now. So even when things happen in my life I am not happy about I know sometimes good comes out of it.
• Through struggle, I pay closer attention to awareness and the practice of acceptance. I am put in a situation of really applying spiritual principles to my daily life. I look deeper at the suffering, note the causes and use the tools to bring myself back to the middle path, sometimes quickly sometimes a bit slower.
• Misery is optional, I make an effort to not stay miserable.
• My life is wonderful, may not be the way I want it to be but it could be a damn sight worse. All I have to do is look around me with open eyes; tornadoes, flooding, unemployment, over stretched budgets, people placing the material ahead of the spiritual, active alcoholism and addiction, disease, death and suffering in many forms.
• I am grateful for my blogger friends, your post help my unwind at night when I get home.
• Grateful I have friends today, I no longer isolate myself from the world.

Well I need to put on my Frankenstein boots, steel toes, and get ready for work.

Peace Love and Light

Scott