Musings

Well so far so good with President Obama, damn it feels good typing that, Bush has always been the “Moron” to me but I respect Obama so I will use his proper title. It is nice to have dignity, intelligence and intellect returned back the White House. I fully accept that he will take a middle of the road stance on something’s and I will disagree with him now and then. His first actions have been simple but yet powerful reversals of some of the neo-con agenda, Roe v Wade is safe again for a while and maybe down the road once some of the more pressing problems get taken care of, President Obama and his team will start working on providing an alternative solution to abortions, incentives for having the baby and giving it up for adoption, doing something to increase birth control, wow how novel to have a president who actually understands there is more to birth control than just say no, who understands the needs of third world countries and will try to do what is necessary to assist them in getting some form of population control. Oh there is so much damage control to reverse but President Obama seems to be the man for the job and hopefully so are the people he picked to assist him. I am very optimistic about Hillary as Secretary of State, I didn’t support her for president but with her background I think she will make a very good Secretary of State. Enough about politics.

After almost 3 long years it seems that my daughter will finally no longer be a ward of the state. In the last year she has really put forth the effort to change some of her habits and ways, of course having a baby to look after helps but I have seen young women with babies who kept on messing with partying and the lot, dumping off the baby with someone or taking the baby with them. My daughter isn’t perfect but she seems to be moving in the right direction. She has some fairly concrete goals and I hope she achieves some of them. I know she is very dedicated to taking care of Angel. I have a feeling that part of the dedication is the fact that her mother wasn’t there for her and I wasn’t either for a few years.

My little Angel is growing by leaps and bounds. She is on the verge of crawling and can sure scoot herself towards any object she wants to examine closely. She continues to be a happy and content baby, fully of smiles or intense observations, taking things in like she is trying to figure them out.

I am continuing to recognize the areas that I need to work on and strive to change them. Seems like with insight I see more challenges all the time or maybe I am just thinking harder about how I treat some people and why. Still have a bit of problem with my attitude toward my sister, I am having a hard time not being harshly judgmental with her, this is just something I have to deal with when we attend meetings together, just because we are siblings doesn’t mean I have to approve of her current actions, I just have to treat her with loving kindness, which I do when we encounter each other face to face, it is just in listening to what she is saying that I analyze her, which is a big ME BAD and something to work on.

My new guys are doing well. The guy who just got out of treatment is going through the raw emotions mode, we had a good talk last night, don’t know if I was much help but man it really reinforced some things for me, relationship stuff that I have been going through myself, understanding that I am looking for long term and not quick feel good companionship and sex. The other guys are at different stages but all seem to be on solid recovery ground.

Coming to understand a bit about myself and living alone. Since I have had someone staying at my house I am more aware of how little I talk. I am not rude, I answer questions and engage in conversation if she starts it but rarely do I start it myself. I am sure if I met the right person someone I have more in common with than her maybe I would talk more, I know that I am not overly attracted to quiet women because of a fear of not having conversations. I need someone who will get me talking, open me up to what is on my mind, I am far better at listening and feedback than instigating. I don’t know if this is good or bad, probably neither, it just is. I do feel that from a spiritual point of view that by my being quiet I am not engaging in selfish blabber, not that everyone who talks a lot is selfish. When I speak I do my best to speak from my heart and not to impress others. For years I have wanted to have an intimate relationship with someone, but now when I stop and think about it with my eyes open wider maybe it really isn’t what I want. I will not close the door on having a relationship and trust that there might still be that magical soul mate out there but my craving has lessened, oh I still get the craving when I see attractive women who I connect with on a surface level or sometimes in the evening when I wish I had someone special to share a meal and movie with, maybe snuggle on the couch but overall I am realizing I am quite comfortable being alone.

Well I guess I will end this rambling for now.