Hi All
The job at the hotel seems like a keeper, catching on fairly quick, just need to get faster at putting people into the computer and working multiple incoming calls. Also Mich and the kids are doing well, she is working and seems to like the work and is taking her responsibilities more seriously.
I found out this morning a friend in the fellowship died yesterday, she was 41 or 42. I will call her H, she was a nurse by profession who lost her license over 6 years ago for taking drugs from the hospital. Just last year she was busted again for prescription drug abuse and spent 6 months in county jail. It appears she had an accidental overdose, they found her dead in her car in a parking lot, she had been using again, so maybe the combination of heat and drugs caused her death.
I don't believe there is such a thing as accidental overdose really, I use the word here because she didn't intentionally commit suicide. Anytime an addict or alcoholic uses we are a risk of dying. If I drink or use again I know the risk of death, the disease will tell me different but the truth is deep down I know I am playing with fire, every junkie and drunk does, they just choose to ignore the voice of reason, to give in to the little voice which says it won't hurt and will feel better, for crying out loud I just need and little relief from all this stress.
I don't know why H continued to play with fire, she had all the tools and had a very good support system available. She had some very good periods of sobriety, periods where she was happy and free and enjoying life.
When anyone who has been in recovery for awhile, been to a lot of meetings, had a sponsor, worked the steps and then dies from addiction or alcoholism the only things which come to mind willingness, and get honestly humble.
The people I know and have known who are able to maintain sobriety, one day at a time and who have a daily reprieve from the compulsion to drink and use are those who are willing to go to any length to maintain their sobriety and inter peace. Willing to admit they are totally beaten by drugs and alcohol, willing to ask for help, willing to go to meetings, willing to open up continually to another person and themselves about what is going on in their lives.
These people have also become humble, humble enough to know they are not the center of the universe, accept there is a power greater than themselves. Humble enough to reach out to another for help. Humble enough to admit a; liquid, powder, pill, herb, something they can flush down the toilet has incredible power over them. We have to know and accept that something so small can destroy our lives, we have to concede to our enter most selves we will never be able use or drink again without some form of destruction happening.
I was talking yesterday before the meeting to a friend about another person who went out, someone who has been in and out of the rooms for years. We both talked about willingness and how we as individuals are powerless over having someone find willingness. The old saying, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink" is so true.
It is sad when someone dies from addiction, My ex-wife killed herself because she couldn't handle reality and because she couldn't beat her addiction to pharmaceutical drugs. I have known people who died because have taken mood stabilizers with alcohol, taken that one too many something they had done it the past yet survived, car wrecks, liver shutting down, the list goes on.
I hope H's death isn't in vane. I know it will be talked about in meetings and rightly so. Everyone, newcomers and those who have a number of one day at a times added up need to understand how serious our disease is and how important it is to do something about it, whether it is AA, NA or not.
I am grateful I found a God of my understanding, grateful I made it back into the rooms after 10 years of insane drinking mixed with drug use, I was playing Russian Roulette too. I am grateful I am willing to work the steps daily, willing to go to meetings, willing to talk to others and be of service, Just for today my obsession to drink and use has been removed. I am grateful I got to know H, we were not close but she left an imprint on my life.
We never know when our last day on earth will be. I hope my last day will be a sober one. As a friend and sister in recovery says, hope you stay sober and sane.
Peace Love Light
