Hi all!
I picked Mich up from jail at 11:30
Wednesday morning. All of us were glad she was home. The last couple of days of
having the kids on my own were very stressful, nothing they did but papa was
just exhausted from chasing after them, correcting them, or having one of them
under his feet at all times. Working outside in the heat didn't help matters
and oh yeah my Surburban broke down to boot.
Mich had plenty of energy from
sitting in jail for 5 weeks to thoroughly clean my house, which I appreciated.
I tried to keep up on the house work but by the time I got off of work the best
I could do was cook supper, wash dishes, laundry, pick up the floor, too tired to vacuum and
mop. She is better at working with kids under feet than I am. The kids treat
her different than me, even though I was acting in the parent role, I am still
papa, the one who gives them his attention when they want it. They don't demand
the attention from their mom the way they do me, part of this is papa has had a
habit of giving them what they want fairly easily, where mom says no much more.
I have hit a meeting every day since
she has been home, much needed time to sit and listen plus give back what was
given to me. Yesterday, not 1 but 2 guys asked me to be their sponsor, they both
said they liked what I shared in the meeting. Both are on court cards, mandatory
meeting attendance. I shared in the meeting the only way to achieve long term
sobriety and find contentment and a form of easy in living sober was to get a
sponsor and work the steps, in my opinion. I shared, steps 1, 2 and 3 weren't
that hard to do on my own and I survived on them but it was working the rest of
the steps with a sponsor which really change my life and allowed me to accept
life on life’s terms. I shared what has worked for me and also what has worked
for anyone who is happy in recovery. Both guys said they are ready for a change
and need help, both are tired of living the life they have been living and want
to be sober and learn to live comfortably in recovery. I accepted being their
sponsor but the rest is up to them, they both have Big Book's, so now it is up
to them to come to me and start working the steps via the Big Book and the 12
and 12. If I can help these guys in any way to stay sober then it is my
responsibility to do so, to pass on what was freely given to me, it isn't about
me, it is about sharing the message the way the Big Book talks about. I hope at
least one of them follows through for selfish reasons; it has been quite a few
years since I took someone through the steps and doing this helps me as much as
them.
Mich starts work on Monday. She will
be working with mentally challenged people, assisting them on a daily bases
with their special needs. This is regular job with day time hours so she can
keep the kids in daycare. One of the things I told her when she got out was she
needed to find a job that worked with daycare hours because the kids needed to
stay in daycare plus she wouldn't have the hassle of finding someone to watch
them in the evenings. She had this job lined up prior to getting busted but
wasn't sure it would still be there for her, one of her friends works there.
The job will be a very good experience for her; they will provide the training
she needs. I am glad she found a job and one not as a waitress, she needs to
expand her horizons. Also part of our new deal is she starts paying rent; this
helps her be responsible plus takes a chunk of the financial burden off of me.
My job has been very iffy, pretty
much on a week to week bases. They didn't tell me when I took the job that it
might not last through the summer. Once the all the corn was emptied from the
big outside bunkers, it freed up a couple of people to help out around the
elevator, thus taking some work away from me. I probably would have been let go
last week but 1 guy was fired for lying about a safety issue. We haven't been
overly busy so my missing work hasn't been a problem, thank God I was working
here when the stuff with Mich went down and not at the factory, I would have
been really up shit's creek at the factory.
Because there hasn't been any guarantee
of how long I would have a job I have been job hunting again. I can't get a
regular full time job because I start college on August 20th. I have been
checking out hotels for front desk help, I have worked convenience stores
before but prefer not to go there because of the clientele, sorry but selling
alcohol and lottery tickets to people who don't need them is something I
would just as soon not do again, not saying I won't but I want to try other
avenues first. I applied for and got a job working at a newly remodel hotel. I
will be working 3pm to 11pm, 3 to 5 days a week, every other weekend off. I knew
by working in a hotel I would be sacrificing my weekends so was pleased that
this hotel has you work every other weekend. On my short weeks I will see if I
can pick up some hours helping maintenance. I have a friend who does
landscaping and she has offered to pay me cash to assist her on occasion so
that will be a bit extra too plus Mich paying her way now helps, sorry got off
the beaten path. Another reason for hotel work is it fits with my college
classes and meetings. I like working with people, have experience with people
of different backgrounds and geographical locations, know the needs of business
people from years as a buyer, I have lived here for years and know the best
places to eat that are not a national chain, know out of the way things to see
and do if people are looking for something different. So anyhow I was smiled
upon, I found a job before I was laid off and desperate for work.
With my whole job thing, I am
putting a lot of faith in my God's hands/branches by quitting the regular
workforce and going to college in hopes of a better future. Two to four years
of college and not having a normal 40-50 hour a week job seems like a hell've
a long time and quite honestly it is scary. I see the smaller paychecks and get
nervous but know with the right footwork I will be alright. I am receiving a
work study grant, it pays me $1250.00 for 10 hours a week doing whatever is
assigned for me at the college, this is per semester, plus I have my student
loans which will be put in savings to help out if need be. Once I get use to
the routine I will be alright, it is just a matter of getting used to living on
smaller means. I know deep in my heart going to college and getting a degree is
the best thing I can do, it will hopefully pay off in the long run. I have some
good people on my side making sure I stay focused and chilling the fears.
Sunday J and I are taking a road
trip to a lake north of here to check out camping and what there is to do in
the area if we go there camping; it is a reason to get out of the house, chill
with a good recovery friend. J found out you can rent a livestock tank; the
tanks are about 30 inches deep and 12-15 feet across, look one up on line to
see what I am talking about if you need a better picture, for $75. What you do
is, 5 people get in the tank with a cooler and float down the river; it is a
really cool and relaxing way to spend time with nature and friends, like tubing
but different. I know of an old army outpost in the area too, J and I are going
to swing by it to see if it would be of interest to our group. We probably
won't take the camping trip until August but part of the fun is checking out
the local and what there is to do.
Angel turns 4 on the 4th of July,
not doing a big party this year, I will take her to the parade in my home town
so she can get candy and see the horses, probably have cake and ice cream in
the afternoon. J and his wife are having some of their close friends over for a
cookout, J bought a new grill and is all about using it:-) I will spend the
evening with them; see if they are alright with Mich and the kids coming over
later to shoot off fireworks with us.
Well campers this is all for now. I
survived and was given a few gifts in return for putting the needs of the kids
ahead of my own, this isn't something I had to make a mental choice to do, I
just did it because that was what was in front of me to do. I couldn't have
done any of this if it wasn't for being sober and love and support of friends
both in and out of recovery.
Hope you all have a wonderful 4th of
July, whether you are American or not.
Peace Love Light
Scott
