Can I make this short???

So Friday I get an email from a job I applied for for and had an interview for saying "sorry we have selected someone else". This email made me really sit down and look at my work situation and what I need to do.

Last week my shoulder muscles have really been killing me and by Thursday things were getting bad, I had set my hopes on a new job so I would'nt have to tell my supervisors about my physical difficulties. My pride was looking at taking the easier softer way out. Problem is my shoulder muscles burn really bad after lifting just a few parts, this is starting at the beginning of the shift now and not later in the night after we have done a few orders, also having elbow problems. So after I got the email I knew I had to look what things I could change in order to accept the situation. I talked to my leadman Friday night and told him I need to see the company Physical Therapist, told him the problem and how it was effecting my performance. I also told him I would be interested in transferring to being a forklift driver if I was put on light duty and because I am afraid I can't handle the physical nature of my job. I will meet with my supervisor tonight to discuss all of this.

My pride is somewhat of a bitch at times. I am the oldest operator on my shift and for the last 15 years have not held a jo which requires manual labor. I really don't what to look like a whimp with my peers, so I have been doing the old cowboy up with my pain, hoping things will change, either with my health or a new job. Reality set in Friday, I had to put the Serenity prayer into action. My supervisor is a different cat, kind of bi-polar, so I really never know when it is a good time to approach him and how he will feel about what I am going to tell or ask him. I know part of my own old fears play into not wanting to talk to him, I know he respects me as a operator because even though I am not fast, I am very consistant, my mind still goes back to the little skinny weak kid who always felt he was being judged for not being physically strong enough. I have to face the fact I need to look after my own heath and hope my supervisor and the company appreciate me enough to look after my health as well. I have to accept, 1) there is no day shift job in my near future, 2) my job requires more physically than I can give it. My trainer and I have talked about how we have the most physical job in the plant, so I know it isn't just me, he expressed concern about my shoulder and told me to be careful.

We are trainging 2 new guys on our machine, so if I can't do the job anymore then at least we are not short handed. We have been without a forklift driver since November, so each work center has to move it's own material which cuts down on production time. I will talk to my supervisor about being a full time forklift driver, saying I can still help out on running machines when there isn't any material to be moved. Maybe this is a solution and maybe not but I have to have the courage to try and change the things I can if possible.

Another thing the non-selection brought home was; I am over qualified and under qualified for a big majoity of the jobs out there which fit my back ground. I am over qualified for basic shipping/receiving/inventory control jobs because my resume has a lot of management on it. I think when I interview I stress to much about what I have done as a manager and not enough about what I have done as a laborer which may probably leads people to believe I am not interested in the job for the long haul and only want to get out of manufacturing and off second shift, partially true but I am also willing to be a basic labor to just have a job I am good at. I have applied for mechanic jobs as well and think what I wrote probably applies to why I haven't received interviews for them.

On the other hand when I look at job descriptions for management jobs, most of them want you to have at least an Associates degree. My years of work experience don't account much since people are looking for employees who have had certain courses in managment, courses which tell the employer you have had proper education on how to handle different situations which my arise. J and I took a road trip yesterday, he is just finishing up a degree so I talked to him about me going back to school full time. He told me of a place to start which can tell me about my grant and loan options. I will go see the agency this week and see what they have to say. It has taken a year but I am now fully aware that if I want to finish out my working years doing something managerial I need to get some higher education under my belt. With the right grants and loans plus part time work I can survive, plus budgetting. I know of a few people who have went back to school in their late 40's or early 50's, so I know it can be done. It will take some displine but like J and I talked about, now we are sober we understanding taking responsibility and holding ourselves to that responsibility. If I start the footwork now I can be ready for classes in the fall, plus work out my personal expenses so I know what I need to live on.

So I am at the point of taking action to change the things I can and accept the things I can't. I have had to swallow my pride, acknowledge the my good looks and job experiences will not gurantee a new job;) I an not miserable with my work situation but not comfortable with it either. I accept it on most days, yet understand I have to look at all my options to change what is causing some suffering in my life. I am not unhappy by a long shot but see there are things I need to do in life which will improve the situation I am in. By talking to my supervisors I might be able to improve my heath problems, cause I can't change my age and my physical limitations. By looking at going back to school I can open my horizons for a possible job which will see me through to retirement. Also going back to school will solve some of the problem with being on 2nd shift and not being able to be involve in AA the way I would like to be.

So the answer to the question is no, I couldn't make this short and K knew I couldn't:) I love you all and keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you face your own challenges in life. Thanks for reading about mine.

Peace Love Light
Scott