It's Hot, It's Cold, It's Life

Hello fellow travelers.

We have had usually high temperatures here for January, Thursday was in the low 60's and most of the week 50's. Yesterday and today are back in the 30's which is still warm for January in Nebraska. On one side of the coin is the knowledge we will get hit with some bad weather before summer comes on the other side is as each day passes it is one day closer to sandal season. I enjoy winter now, wasn't always the case, my eyes are open to the beauty of a world at sleep and resting. Having said this I am still a lover of warmer weather and less is better when it comes to clothing.

As most of you know Carter turned 2 on Tuesday. I reflect back on the phone call about his birth at 1lb 10oz, the 2 hour drive to get to the hospital. I remember how I put his and Mich's life in the hands of something more powerful than me and how fairly calm I was on the drive to see them. His birth was probably the most traumatic event of my life, my dad's failing health made his death less traumatic, I was aware of how little power I had over anything and was at peace with the powerlessness of it all. I maintained the same sense of peace over powerlessness during his months in the hospital and various surgeries. He is now 2, he is a wonderful little boy, he is content most of the time, happy and sweet. It is a really joy to watch him grow, to watch his personality develop, his impatience for food, how easily his feelings get hurt when he is scolded. I love the bond which has developed since I moved back to Kearney, how he runs up to me when are united, wanting to be picked up and hug just for a few seconds. He is still my little miracle boy and I am blessed to have him in my life.

This brings up another thing, how I am extremely protective of my grand babies and Mich. While writing the above paragraph I remember the how Angel and Mich were treated by Carter's dad and grandparents, how Angel was put in CPS for alleged abuse and how because I didn't live close enough she had to go into foster care instead of live with me. I remember and am reliving the pain of it all. I had bits and peace of inter peace back then, thanks to friends in recovery and Lady B. On Tuesday Carter's dad wouldn't take time to spend more than an hour with his miracle son, he is doing a type of pyramid program selling airfare and hotels, one where he tries to recruit others, does presentations to others all the time and has big plans for making it big. His reason for not doing anything for Carter on his birthday was he had a presentation to give and his success with the presentations would make all of them rich and happy down the road, so he was doing the presentation instead of the birthday because in the long run the presentation was more beneficial to Carter. This of course pissed me off but after some quiet reflection I came to accept it for what it was and him for being the way he is, still don't have much like for the kid but I accept him, his life is also in the hands of something much bigger than me. Mich for now has decided she has had enough of giving him chances to change and him failing to do so, hope she sticks to it this time but I am powerless over her life as well.

Don't know about anyone else but I can find calm it hellish storms yet heavy gust can throw me off balance. Over time I am getting better at staying on the path during all kinds weather. I get these reminders every so often of how important acceptance is in order to maintain inter peace, to see the suffering and use the tools to accept it.

Thursday I clicked on the state's website for job postings and saw a posting for a purchasing agent which was newly posted, I contacted the employment agency who are doing the referral, updated my profile plus added additional information about my experiences in purchasing since 1994, so the footwork is done now I just wait and see. At least I am comfortable in my current job and have accepted it, don't want to be there any longer than I have to but what that length of time is I have no idea.

Held my first district meeting as DCM yesterday and it went really well. The 3 open chair positions were filled. As a group we found some solutions to a few problems we were having with the county jail. Also got some support for the spring event J and I have talked about. J came up with the idea of creating a district activities chair person, so we will bring this up at our next meeting. The district has too much money in the bank and we need to find a way to use it for the benefit of local members. We have a new homeless shelter opening soon, the group all agreed to reach out to them and see what kind of support the district can offer. Part of the what the shelter does is help people with recovery.

Another cool thing which happened was the secretary called me today for last names, I hadn't looked at the sign in sheet since I know everyone I thought. I looked at the sign in sheet and the last name of a new member rang a bell, same name as a guy I went to school with, well of course I had to call and find out and sure enough it was him. He said he thought I was the same Scott W he knew from school but wasn't 100% sure. I apologized for not recognizing him but it has been 30 years, both of us have facial hair and his head is shaved, plus he was an loud bully of kid in school and is now a humble soft spoken man. We talked for a just a couple of minutes, said we would get together in the future to catch up and get to know the sober men we have become.

Just for laughs, I rearranged my living room, my mom bought herself a couple of new chairs, she gave me her glide rocker. I moved stuff around to make room for it but not certain it will stay this way. I don't or didn't have an arm chair, sit on my couch and there is a kind of love seat thing for company. Humor is I am a creature of habit and not sure I like the change even though the glide rocker is comfortable to sit in. A good friend of mine of from my first time around the rooms told me alkies are creatures of routine, are drinking patterns were very routine, well most of us, so we get to be the same way in recovery. I have been to meetings were the room arrangement has been changed and listen to the complaints and I know for myself certain aspects of throw me for a loop; what to you mean the new hotel hosting area meetings is charging for coffee, hey how come they didn't read How it Works or start the meeting with the Serenity prayer, things at work or other basic routines.

I didn't have the kids last weekend but do today, so it is time to make meatloaf and get it cooking and while I have the oven on might as well make brownies for Carter and papa, Angel doesn't love brownies the way papa and little brother do.

Hang in there my friends, sending love, prayers and positive energy your way!!

Peace Love Light
Scott