There and back plus a bit more

This is a picture of the elusive western Jackalope , Jackalope are native to only Wyoming and eastern Idaho, rarely photographed or captured.

This is a summary of the trip to Idaho, plus some other thoughts and stuff which have happen over the last few days. I woke up at 10:00am Tuesday morning, worked 4:30pm to 3:00am Wednesday morning, didn't go to sleep because I had to pick my mom up at 6am and then Angel, I drove until 8pm Wednesday night, about 800 miles, yup one long day. I was leery of letting mom drive because her eye was bothering her plus I don't really trust her driving in truck traffic and high winds, she just can't make quick decision anymore. I stopped every couple of hours to stretch, smoke, bathroom breaks if needed and I also kept my coffee cup filled. I drove as far as the first big town in Idaho, Montpelier, town of about 2500. All 3 of us were glad to be done for the day. We got to my aunts house around 3pm on Thursday.

Having a portable DVD player in the car was a God sent, I had bought a 2 disc set of old Loony Tune cartoons and Angel watched them over an over, plus she looked at and colored in the color books, when she got tired she let me know, turn off the player and crashed. I was concerned she wouldn't go with my mom to the bathroom but for the most part she was good about going potty with great grandma. She has only been potty trained for a few months but she is excellent about it, she never had an accident and even though we brought Pull-ups along for her to sleep in she was dry the next morning, I didn't want her wetting the motel beds or my aunts bed. My mom got the biggest kick out of Angel breaking out into laughter in the back seat over something she found funny on the videos. Angel was good as gold on the drive out and back, the only problem was her wanting suckers for stores and papa refusing to buy her one, big screaming fit which only last a few minutes.

Having my mom in the car wasn't too bad, we visited off and on, didn't talk too much about anything important. A couple of times on the way out and back she would bring up family members who had drug or alcohol problems, I tried to explain the obsession of addiction but like most people she just couldn't grasp how once a person drinks or uses their mental thinking and reasoning completely changes and we do things even when we know deep down inside it is wrong. A few times she would repeat the same things over but I am use to this, heard some of the story many times and just blow it off, she doesn't realize what she is doing, so I just let her talk. The one thing which did concern me was her over use of Benadryl, mom has fought allergies and sinus pressure her whole life, she has also become addicted to over the counter medicines and is probably immune to Benadryl and a couple of others, complains they don't seem to work yet will not go to the doctor for something which will work, medical expense have been something my parents tried to avoid, so even with insurance she and I are both reluctant to go to the doctor unless we are very sick, crazy mind set which is hard to break.

My aunt is doing fairly well for a woman of 86, she is on oxygen but gets around pretty well. She has home health care come in once a day, they check on her plus clean her house and do odd jobs for her. Mentally she is much sharper than mom. She is worried about my mom but knows there isn't too much which can be done. My mom's hearing even with aids isn't very good, which adds to confusion, my aunt really picked up on this, plus mom being tired a lot. Having said this they had a good visit still. Angel was very well behaved at my aunts house, didn't mess with all my aunts pretty things, my aunt got a kick out of her and I think Angel kind of help keep things going at times. I had a good visit with my aunt, asked some questions about my moms family on things I didn't know or quite understand. My moms dad died in 1954 and I didn't have a clear understanding of him, mom and I talked about her family as well while traveling. We had a beautiful drive in the mountains on Saturday, 200 mile jaunt, it was a perfect fall day, leaves were just starting to change colors, the air was crisp but not cold.

Angel and my mom bonded really well, this is what my mom was hoping for. Angel would play with grandma, try and talk to her as best as she could. Angel only sees my mom once every 6 weeks or so, so even though Angel knows grandma, she hasn't been that close to her, this trip made them much closer.

One last thing about my mom, even though she has some problems mentally and physically, she is very capable of doing things in her apartment without assistance. She is use to being on her own, it is only when others are around does she get overly confused or flustered, cooking, cleaning and taking care of herself are second nature and something she doesn't have to think about. My moms youngest sister and I keep a close eye on things and will know if and when the time comes for a different living arrangement for her. She is also able to drive herself during non busy hours or she will drive to my aunts house and let my aunt take her shopping, she understands her limitations when it comes to driving. The main reason she wants to continue to drives is so she can go to church and the occasional appointment to the doctor.

My stomach is getting better, still some slight pain which I will have to get checked out in a week or so if it doesn't go away. Wednesday, first day home, I got up and drank a pot of coffee plus had half a pot in the afternoon, prior to this I hadn't drank a whole lot of coffee, even driving I was only sipping on it, maybe only 4 big cups a day. Well Wednesday night at work I wasn't feeling very good, realized the coffee may be the problem, plus I ate super nacho's with meat for lunch, ended up throwing up at work, which made me feel well enough to finish out the night. Thursday I only drank half a pot of coffee and ate peanut butter sandwiches, felt a lot better. I repeated this on Friday. So the process of elimination is telling me, I have to lay off drinking so much of my beloved coffee, freaking downer man. I have laid off the coffee over this weekend plus kept my food fairly bland, both seem to help. Damn it sucks getting old:)

Yesterday we had a small AA workshop. My sponsor spoke, he talked a lot about stepping outside of his comfort zone, something he has been doing for 28 years in recovery. I reflected a lot on what he was saying and how he has taught me to do the same. He said he would rather be a fly on the wall but has learned what has help him grow the most spiritually in recovery has been getting outside the comfort zone. By this I mean, talking to people I don't know, speaking when I really am afraid to, putting aside my fear of being judged, going places where I only know a few people if any at all. My first instinct when walking into a big meeting or speaker meeting is to sit in the back of the room but he taught me to sit closer to the front. He taught me do service work when asked, praying for strength and guidance, by doing this I have spoken to crowds of people without messing my pants, saying what is in my heart and being o.k. with it. We are both shy by nature but have learned and are continuing to learn that it is by stepping outside of our comfort zones that has allowed us to serve the newcomer and AA as a whole better. This has also brought about a stronger trust in my Higher Power and benefits of practicing the Dharma to the best of my ability. When I get into a situation which scares me, mediation and breathing calm my mind. It really amazes me how I am able to do some of the things I do, how I have overcome some of my fears. Yesterday I had one of those moments of sincere gratitude, gratitude in knowing the 12 steps and spiritual principles are doing for me what I can't do for myself and making my life a whole lot better in the process.

Speaking of gratitude. I am grateful I was able to take my mom on this trip, to spend quality time with her, my aunt and Angel. I wasn't craving a beer at the end of a long drive, nor guzzling beer in the hotel or a bar on the way just so I could relax and sleep. I was totally there in the nature of the landscape we drove through even the desolate places. I was in the moment with my mom in the car, I played music for relaxation and not to escape conversation. I wasn't worried about getting pulled over by the few highway patrol cars we saw. My aunt drank her normal 2 mixed drinks before bed and I didn't feel the urge to join her, didn't have a craving for an artificial social lubricant. I use to have to drink to feel comfortable talking to people, today I don't. I am grateful I am able to get out of self, get in a car and take an 82 year old lady on what may be her last trip to see her big sister, yes I enjoyed the trip but it wasn't about me this time, not like camping is about me, something deep down inside told me to do it, I believe it was the 11Th step in action.

Well friends it is after midnight and I have a long day ahead of me, my Facebook friends will know why, so I better get to bed.

Peace Love and Light

Scott