Not Much to say, well maybe??

Last Saturday and this Saturday have been fellowship days. Last Saturday was the state reunion. This is an event were the delegate gives his report from GSO, it is also 3 days of speakers and fellowship. I wasn't certain I was going to make it, didn't know until Friday night if I had the day off or not, so my expectations were not very high. I enjoy the reunion because it gives my a chance to visit with people from around the state who I only see once or twice a year. The beauty of doing service work is I was allow to meet some really wonderful people in AA from other cities and towns, I cherish the times I get to visit with them for a few minutes. I hardly ever get to see my sponsor anymore, last Saturday I was able to visit with him for a few minutes and be reminded of why I truly admire this man and his outlook on recovery. He is a man of few words but when he speaks he cuts the fat off hog and gets to the point, in a very leveled headed and pragmatic way. A couple of months ago he went to South Dakota to attend a conference on Native Americans and AA, he said the problem is plain and simple, we are prejudice. AA's are just as guilty of pushing our way of doing meetings on Natives as all white people have been about pushing the white way on Natives, in other words, AA is doing the same missionary and cultural change bullshit as everyone else.

My favorite quote from the speakers comes from a dear friend of mine who said "treatment centers are the appetizer, the program of recovery outlined in the Big Book and meetings are the main course."

Today the local Al-Anon's had a hot dog and ice cream social to celebrate 70 years of Al-Anon. It was nice to visit with people, some I haven't seen in a while. One was a lady I have been milling over trying to see if she wanted to spend some time with me, we talked and she told me to call her sometime and we would go do something. A friend of mine was the AA/NA speaker, on the outside she comes across as a tough nut but she broke down in tears a couple of times talking about her neglect of her daughters who she loves dearly, it was powerful and I could so relate. AA's tend to make jokes about Al-Anon, one of the speakers did this last Saturday, and I don't appreciate it. I have a lot of respect for anyone who has lived with a sick person and become sick themselves, granted part of their make up is co-dependency and people pleasing, just as we are obsessed with alcohol, these women and men have had to change their way of life just as much as we have. I think it is great when people start taking care of themselves, focusing on their own suffering and take action to become better humans, even if it doesn't always make other people happy. Emotional recovery is emotional recovery and I applaud anyone who is on this path. It is the Al-Anon's who have taught the AA/NA's about enabling and people pleasing, how we are just as guilty of kissing ass in a relationship at the expense of our own emotional well being in order to not rock the boat.

I am really starting to appreciate how getting fired from my last job was a good thing with positive outcomes. Mich could have survived the breakup with the boyfriend without me being only a couple of miles a way but it has brought us back together as a family. Carter is now a Papa's boy, the other day I walked into the house and Angel came running up to me as usual and Carter was right behind her crawling as fast as he could. Little toad is in the stage of messing with everything, I have finally surrendered keeping my CD's in alphabetical order because he just pulls them out again, we try and catch him before he goes for them but he moves very fast and you can't watch him 100% of the time. He understands the word "no" and is good about stopping what he is doing when you tell him "no" but like all toddlers he is persistent to play with things he isn't suppose to. Angel has just been potty trained and makes a point of announcing when she has used the potty. She has also proclaimed herself as my little helper, she helps me fill the bird feeders, tries to help me in the garden and grabs my tools and fixes things. If I was still living in North Platte working at the old job I would be missing out on these wonderful things and having Mich hang around the house because she enjoys the company of her old man, that and he has internet service and she doesn't.

I also realize I was neglecting my recovery some in North Platte. I wasn't into fellowship there and never found a home group. My job was 8-10 hours a day of working with mental illness and by the end of the day, I just wanted to spend some time alone. Spiritual practices keep me from picking up the first drink and also reasonably serene. Coming back here has brought the fellowship of other travels back into my life, the joy, laughter and heartache we share together. I am back to be committed to my Sunday morning home group, a place I belong with people who know me inside and out.

Doing manual labor again has also been good for me. At first it was the humbling experience of not being in management. Then it was the joy of realizing I don't have to worry about anyone but me, no emails to reply to, no one on one talks with employees about their performance, no issues with my honest appraisal of things being taken the wrong way; certain aspects of honesty are not appreciated by people who don't work the steps or live a spiritual life, duh. The heavy lifting has gotten easier, I surprise myself in being able lift, spin and lift again 45 pound parts for hours at a night. I am still looking for work in inventory control or basic purchasing but for now, I am alright with what I am doing.

Other than my garden doing really good in the pots, not much else, well there is but I won't bore you with it. I am grateful as always to be sober and enjoying life, for the people in my life and the experiences I have, experiences which allow for change and more awareness.

Hope all in enjoying the summer!!

Peace Love Light