Our society loves catchphrases, those cutesy little sayings from commercials or entertainers that for a brief time a large part of the popular are repeating over and over again until they fade away and are replaced by the next brain dead phrase of the moment. Initially some of these phrases have genuinely good meanings but over time they become trivialized and meaningless, spiritual and social awareness phrases and symbols come to mind. Sometimes I feel the same thing has happened with AA slogans, Big Book quotes and AA catchphrases. We sit in meetings and hear these phrases over and over again but when they are said is the person saying them really understanding the implications of what they are saying. I have been guilt of doing just what I am concerned about until I stopped and really thought about it, also I talked with my sponsor and a couple other wise ones in recovery and realized that the phrases need to be used properly with the proper action talked about or explained for the benefit of the newcomer and some phrase really need to be removed from the AA lexicon altogether.
“Fake it till you make it” if one is faking something then they are being dishonest. Bill tells us repeatedly in the Big Book and 12 and 12 about being honest, “rigorous honesty” is mentioned every time we read “How it Works” at meetings, yet people are telling others to be dishonest and “fake it”. The intent of this may be to give those who still have some doubts about their drinking problem or AA in general an easier softer way so that at some point they will “make it” what ever “it” is, the sister saying to this is “Act as if.” When I got sober nobody told me it was going to be easy, they told me to “hang on to your butt, it’s going to be a bumpy ride” and “don’t drink, go to meetings get sponsor and work the steps, above all else don’t drink even if your butt falls off.” O.K. they may have had a fixation with the condition of my butt but at least they weren’t telling me to be dishonest! When I walked into AA I was already pretty good at being dishonest, I was dishonest with myself and everyone else I met and you told me I would have to learn to be honest which requires a bit of trust. You told me to have faith in a Power Greater than myself, that if I didn’t have my own I could use the group for this Power or borrow yours. I just needed to have faith that things would get better and you showed me this by the way you treated myself and other newcomers, by sharing how you had risen out of the depths of alcoholic despair to live a joyous and productive life in sobriety. You told me it was about progress and not perfection, to mellow out and take it one day at a time, and that in time if I took the same actions you took my craving for alcohol would disappear, you said I would truly enjoy being sober and you weren’t dishonest, in what you told me. The ride was bumpy, sometimes difficult, sometimes easy but I wasn’t faking the actions, I was taking the actions and my reward was that the compulsion to drink was removed and those elusive promises started coming true.
“Once again my troubles are of my own making.” If we are going to paraphrase this from the Big Book shouldn’t we quote the paragraph prior to this statement, “Selfishness----self-centeredness! That we think is the root of all our troubles.” Too many times someone will say their troubles are of their own making when they are in emotional turmoil or turmoil due to outside forces, they use the phrase like a cop out, “ oh well I caused my own problem.” If I am causing my own problems then I better learn to identify how selfishness and self-centeredness are creating these difficulties, what aspect of selfishness is generating my fear, fear is the underlying cause for anger, low self esteem, self-pity and a host of others. I also need to remember the how my selfishness gives raise to the seven deadly sins; lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, rage, envy and pride. I need to remember that when I share I need to identify how my own selfishness is causing the problem and what action/actions I need to take change the problem. When I work on my defects using the spiritual tool kit I become more aware of how my selfishness is effecting me, the less selfish I become the better my life is, this doesn’t mean life is always roses and dark chocolate, I still have bad hours, what I do accept is that my selfish desires want the world to revolve around me and the little Veruca Salt inside me acts up and wants everything to go my way 24/7, which is selfishness at it’s best. I create my own happiness or misery, it is all in my outlook and attitude, to be unselfish is to understand that the world and everything in it is doing what it is suppose to and I can’t always have it my own selfish way. I also need to take responsibility for my own actions or inactions, if I do something to wrong someone or an institution then they have a right to retaliate, I need to do a 10th step, learn from the experience and hopefully not repeat it. Yes I do create my own troubles but I am also responsible for my own serenity and whether or not I used the tools of recovery to maintain that serenity.
“First thought wrong” or “My biggest trouble lies between my ears.” I spent a drunken life time perfecting the art of low self-esteem, self doubt and shame, all turbo charged, so now in recovery why should I continue this practice, why should I stay co-dependent on this same self doubting behavior. On page 86 of the Big Book Bill writes about our morning prayer and mediation in which he says, “We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.” He then goes on to tell us how to use prayer and mediation to improve our day and our lives in general on a daily bases. My problems do not necessarily arise from my thinking but more from acting impulsively to my thinking. When I drank I would act impulsively to a thought without thought of consequences or the effects it has on others, if I wanted to buy something I would without thought of upcoming financial needs, I was in a constant state of fulfilling my wants over my needs no matter what the cost and who I damaged along the way. The other problem with my thinking was not checking my motives. With prayer, mediation and the assistance of others I have learned and am learning to stop and look at the bigger picture of what I am thinking about. If I am planning something major like moving, changing jobs, getting into a possible intimate relationship I mediate about it for clarity and then talk it over with my sponsor or another trusted member of AA, they in turn can assist me in seeing all the pros and cons, my decision to follow my thinking may be correct, my trouble arises in putting too high of expectation on the change, I want to see the changes as being all rosy where as someone else will point out the thorns I need to be aware of thus saving me from unnecessary suffering. My experience has also been that when I practice prayer and mediation I don’t act as impulsively, I wait to buy something I want until I can afford it, my thinking is fine in wanting the newest CD by my favorite artist but if I have other monetary expense I postpone the purchase until I an afford it without causing financial stress. Asking someone out to dinner may be a good idea, but getting emotionally wrapped up in that person after the first date isn’t nor is not considering her emotional and spiritual well being, once again slowing down and rationally thinking about the situation is the un-selfish use of my thought process.
“I would rather be drunk than dry and miserable” or something to that effect. Really who hasn’t had a dry spell or 2, a period when we are caught up in the I, Self, Me of self-pity, a period when we don’t feel like praying, talking to our sponsor, going to meetings, working the step and so on. I would rather see someone be dryer then an Arizona cornfield than to see them pick up a drink again, that drink may be the one that kills them, or kills another person, there is no guarantee anyone will come back after they start drinking again. I was lucky I made it back to the rooms of AA after my relapse but it took 10 years, 10 years of damaging the life of my daughter, putting my poor parents through mental Hell, financial and legal problems, thanks to my Higher Power I never killed anyone even though I was a severe drunk driver. Please don’t throw temptation to the wind and suggest that someone or yourself go ahead and get drunk just because they are dry and miserable, encourage them to use the tools available to them get off the pity pot, the 12th step and our primary purpose aren’t just for practicing alcoholics you know.
“Stick with the winners” I know what you are talking about and understand the meaning of this statement but the newcomer in the corner or back of the room with less than a few months of sober time may not, you know the one who is too shy to ask questions. Do you remember when you first walked into the rooms, your head was swimming with all kinds of stuff, you listened in the meetings and got more confused, thankfully some people reached out to you and explained the basics, I remember those days. I also remember feeling like a loser and how it took a while before I thought I was even in the game of life again let alone thinking I was a winner. When we share about sticking with the winners, let us (myself included) share that the people who enjoy life in sobriety are the ones generally follow the suggestions of, going to meetings, working the steps, getting a sponsor, developing a network of recovery friends, doing service work, reading the literature, and being a part of the fellowship/participating in our own sobriety.
Having said all of this, there are slogans and phrase that just as important as the steps and traditions. “One day, one hour, one minute at a time” just for today/this hour/this moment I won’t pick up that first drink. “Don’t drink and go to meetings” one could add “get a sponsor and work the steps” to this but the chances are if someone just doesn’t drink and goes to meetings eventually they will follow suit and get a sponsor and start working the steps. “Keep coming back it works” this is what our experience has shown us. “Easy does it” but do it. We all have our favorites, as for me I need to make sure I am saying these things out of practice and not complacent parroting, that I am aware of how my words can effect others, words are very powerful and I need to respect them. Now comes the paradox slogan for this whole writing, “Keep It Simple” I just analyzed some phrases bring back the point that we need to watch what we say and keep it simple. Dr. Bob warned Bill and all of us not to louse this thing up by getting too complicated, maybe I am complicating things by analyzing these phrase and need to heed Dr. Bob’s words myself, so I will and close with thank you for reading my rant.
