New service position

HI all, to those on the east coast hope you didn't get hit too bad by the snow, didn't read anything on the news about Virginia and West Virginia so I think a few of you who live there got lucky this time. Our time is coming just don't know when, so far it has been nice.

Saturday we held elections for our AA district, the turn out was low due to the Nebraska vs Michigan St football game and the current D.C.M (District Committee Member) isn't very well liked in the district. Since I have moved back to Kearney I have attended district meetings even though I don't hold a committee position. Those who read my blog know how I feel about service work.

The responsibilities of the DCM are; represent the district at area meetings (in our case the whole state of Nebraska) they take to voice of the local AA to area and vote on issues in accordance to the voice of the local members, they chair district business meeting, support ideas of local members, communicate with the groups, make sure events are posted in a timely manner and try to generate involvement in AA as a whole. There is also an alternate DCM, who assist the DCM and attends area meetings if the DCM can't make it. Next we have secretary, treasurer and committee positions.

The majority of the people doing district service work have been doing it for years but over the last couple of years some younger people are coming into the fold. My friend Jeremy who is the treasurer and I were talking about how the district has become a bit stagnant because the older members don't connect with the younger members.

General rule of thumb is for the alternate DCM to become the next DCM. The current alternate is also not very well respected in local meetings, she is a very sweet lady but her and her husband tend to get a bit preachy and not keep their personal spirituality out of meetings, this is part of the problem with the DCM also, they both tend to imply more of a Christian God, instead of the God of the individual members understanding.

Prior to the meeting Jeremy was going to nominate me for treasurer which I was fine with if that is where the others wanted me to be. Jeremy had decided not to take another AA service position since he is involved in NA service work as well. We got to the meeting and found out the alternate is moving to northern Nebraska in January, out of our district.

I was elected DCM. Jeremy was nominated and elected alternate DCM, the reason for this was; a lady said Jeremy and I seem to work well together, Jeremy accepted the position. Jeremy and I are kind of the spearheads for local young people, we are the instigators for the camp-outs, try and take people to recovery events and gets events started, we have also both been involved in talking to the public about AA and recovery.

My niece who has 3 years sobriety was elected secretary, this is her first time doing service work at the district level. She is another young person who tries to get others involved. The guy elected for treasurer is new to district service work. We have 2 other people new to service work filling committee positions. Our corrections committee member rolled over her position and will be doing it for another 2 years, she is finally making some headway at the local jail, she enjoys area meetings and wants try and improve corrections in our area. To everyone's surprise the Public Information committee member rolled over too, he didn't get along with the past DCM but since his primary job is making sure meeting cards are updated and printed, he said he would continue, the job wasn't that hard and was comfortable with the procedure, he also has a good rapport with Jeremy and myself.

So our district has some new blood. We are younger for the most part, more liberal in some ways but with a deep respect for the Traditions. I told my sponsor, I don't know how much change we can bring about, this is up to the Divine but we bring a new enthusiasm to the district, we have a connection younger members and younger people in general, my sponsor agreed with this statement. Jeremy, Kristin (my niece) and I all would like to generate some events to bring people together, for fun and fellowship, to show people there is more to recovery than just going to meetings. All we can do is the footwork, we can serve the district to the best of our ability, you can lead a drunk to water but you can make him or her drink. Our sponsors and a few other older members have faith and hope in us, which is nice to have, they have offered their guidance and support. We will listen to the group conscience as it is expressed because we are their voice, we may have our own agenda's but our service is to the district and AA as a whole, we are but humble servants and when our ego's get inflated they will be deflated by the reminder that we are just 1 part of the greater whole.

I am honored to be the new DCM and hope I can serve the district and the fellowship well. I am grateful to have Jeremy, Kristin and the others with me I feel we are a good team, we will keep each other grounded and offer each other support. I am grateful for my sponsors and others who have taught me what service work is all about, the successes and failures.

Well I have the day off, Angel is here, she spent the night. I need to shower, then we are going outside to do a bit more work on the shed, yes it isn't finished yet, 95% done, I need to caulk some of the places where the panels aren't quite tight, the last thing to do is build a door. I am going with Mich and the kids Trick or Treating tonight, it will be fun watching them get candy. Angel is going as Snow White and Carter is a cow, we are taking them over to great grandma's before we hit the streets.

Hope all is going well with everyone.

Peace Love Light

Scott

Thank's Again St. Francis

Well my old friend St. Francis has helped me out again. It was via the Prayer of St. Francis that I started my journey down the Dharma path, see my blog post from July 30Th 2008, it was also published in the April 2009 issue of the Grapevine under the title "Finding My Way".
Tonight I chaired the 7:00pm meeting at the mental health hospital, we were able to finish by 7:45 since there were only a few there, then I headed south to the county jail to co-chair a meeting there. We have a slight shortage of people willing to commit to doing service work at these essential institutions, but we are working on it, had one older member show up again at the hospital to help tonight, God bless her. While I was waiting for my partner to show up I opened the 12 and 12 and read the Prayer of St. Francis to help quiet the committee that is trying to keep me obsessed, they are getting quieter but I am having to do a lot of mediation and focusing on the moment to get them to shut the "F" up, another opportunity to work on me some more. After reading this wonderful prayer I had an epiphany! Below is the prayer

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace;
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
Amen.

I read the prayer to work on "me" in dealing with the craving for a compassionate relationship, it has been 13 years since I have been in one so sometimes the loneliness creeps in especially when I meet an attractive woman who seems interested, I ain't dead yet so there is still time, plus it will happen when it is meant to happen, if I force anything I will foul it up big time. The prayer did what it was meant to do, got me out myself but not in the way I planned it because of the epiphany. The Epiphany was how well the prayer goes with service work in places like mental hospitals, jails and treatment centers. I broke each line down, each line relates to an aspect of getting out of "me" and giving to someone who is a bad situation. The words; hatred, wrong, discord and error all relate to the inmates in jail and tell me what I can do for them as a recovering alcoholic who practices the 12 steps and spiritual principles in his life daily and was once in their rubber slip on shoes and orange jump suit. Doubt, despair, shadows and sadness refer to the mental health hospital patients where once again we need to carry the message loving kindness, peace and joy, we need to have our soul light shine on their shadow, I first came through the doors of AA with stitches in my wrist from despair. Above all else we need to give them HOPE, hope that this can be their last visit to these places if they are willing try something different, hope that there is a wonderful life to be lived free from the bondage of active alcoholism and addiction. All the negative words can apply to both inmates and patients plus people going through treatment for alcoholism or addiction. We go in these places to provide what comfort we can, we don't piss and moan about "our day" wanting them to give us comfort while we sit on our pity pot. We open our hearts to empathy, accepting why they are there, yes we share are experience, strength and hope which is a form of trying to be understood but we share from the spiritual language of the heart and don't go all tent revival preacher on them. We give them unconditional love, we love them for who they are and we ask for nothing in return, they don't have to love us back or even like us, we don't care, we are providing a service and love from a power greater than ourselves. We forget about ourselves and our troubles, we forgiven them of their short comings just as we are forgiven of ours, we understand the power of shame, guilt, fear and anger because in active alcoholism and addiction they once ruled us and we share with them a way out from under it even if only for a few minutes. We try and plant a few seeds knowing that some may take years to germinate if they ever do. We who have died metaphorically from being beaten down by active alcoholism and addiction, now have been given the gift of Awakening through our spiritual experiences as a result of the 12 steps and continued practices.
This is what St. Francis and his prayer showed me tonight. I am sure on another night under different conditions and suffering it will reveal something else.

Peace Love and Light
Scott

Outside the Comfort Zone

Hello anxiety my old friend you’ve come to talk to me again and sending shadows through my mind of things that aren’t real, illusions from a fear (thanks Paul Simon). I have a clearance that allows me to be involved with AA meetings at the county jail. I have only been to 1 meeting since I was cleared in November 2008 mainly due to the fact that the jail meeting conflicted with the mental health hospital meeting that I was supporting. About 2 months ago there was a fallout between the guy who had been conducting meetings at the jail for the last 5 years or so and the inmates; it seems they wanted more NA meetings and less AA meetings or none at all, a majority of the inmates are locked up for meth related offenses. Background, NA has meetings the first 2 Thursday’s of every month and AA has the rest of the Thursday’s so on occasion there are 3 AA meetings due to the month having 5 Thursday’s in it. The guy who was conducting the meetings didn’t contact anyone in upper service work to explain the situation or ask for help, he just stopped showing up. A close friend of mine in recovery is doing 35 days for getting caught bending the rules, he is has work release so he can call me, he really wanted an AA meeting so he asked if I could help and I said I would. I contacted another member who has clearance and he said he would try to help but wasn’t sure since he is still on probation for a domestic violence charge, just cause we get sober doesn’t mean we still don’t have troubles due to character defects that are left unaddressed. The jail is one of those places that brings up anxiety, I have spent a bit of time in jail so the odor of the disinfectant has an almost haunting effect on me even though bring in jail was a dull and boring event but still a bit stressful due to lack of freedom and living conditions. Another thing that brings anxiety is that I was a notorious bad check writer in my drinking days and even though it has been over 2-1/2 years since I have drank there is this paranoia that even after the background check an outstanding warrant will surface. And lastly in the anxiety column is the inmates themselves, I am not a very big person, not muscular and pretty non-violent, so some of the inmates can be a bit intimidating. Some inmates are very angry people and their anger can flare up when talking in a group setting, basically they are venting, very rarely do they cause trouble but my fear is they will and since no guards attend the meetings and we are locked in the cafeteria my mind drifts to the worst possible scenario. So this is where I was at off and on yesterday.

The other guy showed up at the jail and had no problems getting permission to enter. He had conducted meetings in jail before and chaired the meeting. Most of the inmates shared about themselves and what they where going through without getting obnoxious. Most of them thanked us for being there. A couple of the jail staff members thanked us and mentioned the absence of AA meetings and told us to please come back. So once again my anxiety was for nothing, the illusions that messed with me off and on yesterday proved to be just that illusions. Once again a lesson learn, maybe next time I face something challenging the anxiety will only be half as much.

This is not the first time I have stepped outside my comfort zone in recovery. I am by nature rather quiet and reserved, not one who stands around and talks a lot, when I do talk I do so with minimal BS and speak from my heart. I have been on panels and chaired panels at the nursing college, a family advocacy group, probation officers board meeting, I have chair meetings where the majority of people in attendance where from a drug and alcohol awareness class. I just recently spent 2 days with another guy at the state family physicians conference in an AA booth talking to doctors about alcoholism and AA’s role in recovery. I also gave a talk on working with professionals at a state AA workshop, some of those in attendance I admire greatly for their commitment to service worker and their speaking abilities. I have been blessed and gifted with the ability to speak articulately and to share my insight in a way that others can comprehend, not in long drawn out rambles but with shorter to the point statements and metaphors. I enjoy doing service work, I was told early on never to turn down an AA request unless absolutely necessary and also by doing so I am freely given back what was freely given back to me, this is also a blessing and has nothing to do with me other than service work is about learning to be humble and selfless. I have learned that if I share from the heart then the right words will come, if I try and be funny I will fail, I try and sound profane I will fail, I try and show off I will fail, by fail I mean sound phony and ex-drunks can pick up on that really fast. It gets easier every time I step out side the comfort zone, not that I am not nervous but experience has taught me to just flow with it, know that I will be alright and that what will be will be, just as it was proven yesterday.

It was reminded to me again today in a book I am reading by Kevin Griffin, it is about progress and not perfection, we are not saints. Stepping outside the comfort zone is about letting go of self, it is an exercise in non-self, it is about putting the Four Noble truths and the Eightfold Path into practice to the best of my ability. It is about trusting my Higher Power, the Dharma, and faith in the teachings I have received so far on this journey. It is about all the little prayers and short mediations I do during the day when faced with discomfort and need to re-harness the inner peace. Some times awareness needs a helping hand from illusion to open my mind, this is alright though, this is how I learn sometimes, a bit of discomfort leads to using a different tool, once in a while we need to round the head off the bolt with the vise grips to realize we just need to get the correct size wrench to fit the job.

Namaste